USC Board Authorizes Spending of Entire Endowment on “Miscellaneous Brick Stuff”
By Jonathan Krone LOS ANGELES, CA — In a move many are calling “extremely fishy,” the Board of Trustees of
Read moreUSC
Short Man Has Tall Parents
by Christine Politte BOULDER, CO – Sources have confirmed that yes, those tall people are Bradley Sullivan’s parents. The juxtaposition
Read moreUSC’s Fall Plans Force Empty Nesters to Abandon Dreams of Moving to Fiji and Starting a Throuple
By Bryn Doyle REDDING, CA – The Twin XL sheets and Facetime schedule were all prepared for August in the
Read more
USC Buys Club Penguin for New “Virtual Quad”
By Rachel Michelman With a surge of COVID-19 cases in California and a majority of classes taking place remotely, the
Read more
USC Unveils Plan to Create More Diverse Emails
By Drew Thomas-Nathan LOS ANGELES, CA — Amidst ongoing Black Lives Matter protests across the world and at USC, President
Read more
New Financial Aid Package Just Bag of Magic Beans
By Preston Long LOS ANGELES, CA — As her student body buckled under the weight of layoffs, tuition increases, and
Read more
USC Tears Down Low-Income Housing to Build Diversity, Equity, & Inclusion Center
[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]By Veronica Marks LOS ANGELES, CA — Following weeks of letters, petitions, and protests to dismantle racial inequality at the
Read moreMarshall Student Uses Stimulus Check to Buy Three More Stimulus Checks
[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]By Karan Menon UNIVERSITY PARK, CA — In a stroke of financial genius, Marshall School of Business senior Barnett Rogers
Read moreCarol Folt Praised for Covering Up All the Scandals So Far
[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]By Jonathan Krone LOS ANGELES, CA — Speaking behind closed doors in a shadowy lair, chairman of the University of
Read more
Visibly Erect Tommy Trojan Asks to Be Covered in Duct Tape All Year
[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text][/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row]
Read more