Elon Musk Becomes First Kajillionaire

By Charlotte Dekle

AUSTIN, TX — After opening EvilCorp *cough cough* sorry, SpaceX for public trading on the stock market, Elon Musk has become the world’s first kajillionaire. 

In a world where wages are stagnating and prices are rising, Musk’s new kajillionaire status is living proof that hard work is what guarantees success.

“I had to work a kajillion times harder than everyone else to get where I am today,” Musk said to the Sack as he twirled his moustache and sat on a pile of his riches. “All of those hours of stealing ideas and marketing them as my own while benefitting from my family’s enormous wealth, don’t ask from what, really paid off.”

Poor, sad billionaires from around the world stood in shock at Musk’s amassing of wealth. Mark Zuckerberg was spotted sobbing into his Meta VR headsets. Sergey Brin and Larry Page started crowdfunding on GoFundMe. Jeff Bezos even threatened to leave the Earth, relocating his fortune to Gazorboland. 

When asked what he would do with more money than anyone has ever had in history, Musk responded, “Probably just keep it.”