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Sperm Racing Rematch to Take Place in My Bedroom

May 3, 2025May 3, 2025 Ella Grossman 387 Views

By Ella Grossman  LOS ANGELES — This Friday, the world’s first Sperm Race took place at LA Center Studio in

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USC 

Spending Cuts Force LA Times “Festival of Books” to Rebrand as “Festival of Book”

May 3, 2025May 3, 2025 Phineas Kelly 273 Views

By Phineas Kelly LOS ANGELES — As universities nationwide fear the loss of federal research funding, the University of Southern

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USC 

USC Names Bully Who Stole Your Lunch Money as New Head of Student Dining

April 23, 2025May 3, 2025 Margaret Danenhauer 455 Views

By Margaret Danenhauer  LOS ANGELES — Fight on Trojans! USC has named Joey “The Booger” Santonelli, better known as the

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College 

The Great Migration: USC Students Flock East for Coachella

April 11, 2025April 18, 2025 Sarah Ruiz 351 Views

By Sarah Ruiz LOS ANGELES, CA – Pack your pills and poppers, USC’s finest scholars are heading East for the

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USC 

Term “DEI” Changes to “Community” to Reinforce USC’s Values as a Community College

March 27, 2025March 29, 2025 Levi Elias 495 Views

By Levi Elias LOS ANGELES, CA – In an email sent to the USC population by the Office of the

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USC 

USC Students Agree: St. Patrick’s Day On Spring Break Is A Waste of a Good Excuse to Drink

March 17, 2025March 29, 2025 Quinn Healey 236 Views

By Quinn Healey LOS ANGELES, CA/CABO SAN LUCAS, MEX – In a rare display of solidarity, the USC Interfraternity and

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College 

Girl Gets Parents to Fund Trip to Cabo by Saying She Can Get Around Tariffs

March 14, 2025March 14, 2025 Violet Rose Wang 448 Views

By Violet Rose Wang LOS ANGELES, CA – Trying to get your parents to spend even more money on your

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USC 

Carol Folt Finally Locks The Fuck In For Final Semester

March 12, 2025March 14, 2025 Levi Elias 444 Views

By Levi Elias LOS ANGELES, CA — Soon-to-be retired USC president Carol Folt just realized that she’s wasted her entire

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USC 

USC Announces Multi-Million, Top-of-the-Line, Revolutionary Program to Debut Right After You Graduate

February 20, 2025February 27, 2025 Violet Rose Wang 346 Views

By Violet Rose Wang LOS ANGELES, CA – USC administration announced this morning that they would soon be debuting an

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USC 

USC Defunds Daily Trojan to Fund Sack of Troy

December 6, 2024December 13, 2024 Violet Rose Wang 526 Views

By Violet Rose Wang LOS ANGELES, CA – In light of the Daily Trojan announcing that USC has slashed their

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Recent Posts

  • Sperm Racing Rematch to Take Place in My Bedroom
  • Move Over “Severance”! Apple TV Premieres New Hit Show “Get Out with White People”
  • Spending Cuts Force LA Times “Festival of Books” to Rebrand as “Festival of Book”
  • Trump Actually Anti-Capitalist King
  • USC Names Bully Who Stole Your Lunch Money as New Head of Student Dining

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USC Names Bully Who Stole Your Lunch Money as New Head of Student Dining

USC Names Bully Who Stole Your Lunch Money as New Head of Student Dining

April 23, 2025 Margaret Danenhauer No Comment

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