Cheer Heard After Leaving Party Was About You
By Phineas Kelly LOS ANGELES, CA – According to multiple attendees, that enormous cheer that erupted from the party moments
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College
New North Roommates Fight to Death Over Whether or Not to Have a Polaroid Wall
By Lily McLaughlin LOS ANGELES, CA – Last week, two female New North residents created complete chaos over their month-long
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USC Defensive Coordinator Revealed To Be A “Welcome” Doormat
By Bill Rockas LOS ANGELES, CA – USC football fans are shocked after the reveal that defensive coordinator Alex Grinch
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Econ Major Explains Opportunity Cost of Not Dating Him
By Bill Rockas AUSTIN, TX – After multiple rejections, Economics major Carl Smattford has resorted to explaining the quantifiable
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USC Carrot Shot and Killed
By Lily McLaughlin LOS ANGELES, CA – This past week, the USC carrot mascot was mercilessly shot and killed outside
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Student Nominated for Academy Award for Role in “Alcohol? What’s That?” 
By Phineas Kelly LOS ANGELES, CA – On Saturday, the Academy of Motion Pictures announced that USC Sophomore Jacob Stall
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Girl at Party Not Flirting With You, Just Good at Small Talk
By Izzy Ster LOS ANGELES, CA – After attending the rager of the weekend, you were shocked to discover the
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USC to Change Tuition Policy to “Girls Free, Guys $90,000”
By Audrey Serrano LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA — In an effort to harbor financial aid requests and utilize policies students are
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“Oh Wow, You Have a Tech Startup in Palo Alto? That’s Sooooo Cool” And Other Useful Phrases to Get Laid This Weekend
By Lili Adkins Caption: There’s just something about guys who wear the skinny jean/running shoes combo (heart eyes emoji that
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College Graduate Keeps USC ‘23 as Instagram Bio After Realizing They Have No Personality
By Levi Elias After wise words from one of the greatest independent arthouse filmmakers of the 21st century, Kevin Feige,
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