by Christine Politte
BOULDER, CO – Sources have confirmed that yes, those tall people are Bradley Sullivan’s parents.
The juxtaposition of the 5-foot-3 junior and his 6-foot parents was jarring to everyone they encountered. “I thought Bradley was helping some strangers find TCC, and they just happened to have the same hair color and facial features,” said Sullivan’s friend Mindy Morrison. “Nope, turns out they’re 100% blood related.”
Roommate Christopher Liu burst out laughing when Sullivan’s dad accidentally elbowed his son in the face. “Man, puberty must have been disappointing for him,” said Liu.
Not even veteran geneticist Dr. Landon Bowers can explain the phenomenon. “I’ve always said nature has a sense of humor, but come on.” said Bowers. “Look at him! He barely comes up to his mom’s shoulders.”
After meeting her vertically challenged boyfriend’s parents, Brenda Marks felt she had no choice but to break up with him.
“I’m not against dating short people,” said the 5-foot-6 Marks. “But now I’ve got to wonder what other genetic skeletons are in his closet. What if our kids end up bald, or albino, or with weirdly large noses?”
“Wait, they’re taller than me?” yelped a seemingly shocked Sullivan upon hearing people’s comments. “Wow, it’s not like anyone’s ever mentioned that before.”