Upstart Candidate Clillary Hinton Joins Democratic Race
by Gia King Just as things are beginning to heat up in the race for the Democratic nomination, an already-crowded Read more
Politics
Supreme Court Rules Gerrymandering Unconstitutional Unless District Shaped Like Penis
by Melanie Hoffmann WASHINGTON, DC — The Supreme Court has finally found a compromise regarding the bipartisan issue of gerrymandering. Read more
Carol Folt Praised for Covering Up All the Scandals So Far
By Jonathan Krone LOS ANGELES, CA — Speaking behind closed doors in a shadowy lair, chairman of the University of Read more
Three Little Pigs Not Allowed to Testify, Big Bad Wolf Acquitted
By Seth Woodhouse THE BIG WIDE WORLD — The Aesopnate voted narrowly Friday to bring the imscreechment trial of the Read more
Trump Legal Team Employs Watertight “I Know You Are But What Am I?” Defense
By Jonathan Krone WASHINGTON, DC — Several days into the impeachment trial of Donald Trump, his legal team has unveiled Read more
Sweetness of “Local USC Moms and Dads” Facebook Group Sullied by Custody Fight in Comments Section
by Dan Toomey LOS ANGELES, CA — What began as a sparkle of hope amid a semester of despondency was Read more
OPINION: Why’d We Have to Learn Sex Ed If We’d Never Have to Use That Stuff in the Real World?
by Keith Herrmann Cursive. Civil War generals. Sexual intercourse. What do these things have in common? The government made sure Read more
Tall Guy Could Be Taller
by Keith Herrmann LOS ANGELES, CA – Local tall man Jacob Marzaroli could stand to be a few inches taller, Read more
OPINION: If Trump’s Guilty of Abusing Power for Political Gain, Then I’m Guilty of Vehicular Manslaughter
These days in America, it seems like everyone’s got to be a “criminal.” The media just loves throwing that label Read more