Flailing Alumni Account Forced to Post Derrick
By Margaret Danenhauer THE GEORGE LUCAS DERRICK BUILDING – After realizing that all SCA grads are chopped and also unc,
Local
Politics
Elon Musk Becomes First Kajillionaire
By Charlotte Dekle AUSTIN, TX — After opening EvilCorp *cough cough* sorry, SpaceX for public trading on the stock market,
College
Flailing Alumni Account Forced to Post Derrick
By Margaret Danenhauer THE GEORGE LUCAS DERRICK BUILDING – After realizing that all SCA grads are chopped and also unc,
World
Man Who Restates What You Said But Louder Wins Pulitzer Prize
By Charlotte Dekle LOS ANGELES — Area man Pat Agonia has just won the Pulitzer Prize for Criticism for restating
Sports
Canada Blames Olympic Hockey Losses on Lack of Wasians
By Jackson Sneeringer MILAN, ITALY — Following an embarrassing defeat by both the USA Olympic Women’s and Men’s hockey teams
