Tall Guy Could Be Taller
by Keith Herrmann LOS ANGELES, CA – Local tall man Jacob Marzaroli could stand to be a few inches taller, Read more
Local
School of Dramatic Arts and Kaufman School of Dance Team Up to Create New Unemployment Minor
By Karan Menon UNIVERSITY OF SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA – In an effort to expand their scope of academic offerings, the School Read more
Roommate Really Glad You Think the Skeleton is a Decoration
By Jose Cardenas LOS ANGELES, CA — As Halloween rolls around, University of Southern California senior Richard Mortis feels relieved Read more
Student Running to Class Gripping Freshly Printed Essay Like It’s the Goddamn Olympic Torch
By Dan Toomey TROUSEDALE PARKWAY — Students gawked in anticipation and embarrassment on Friday as a heaving, perspiring freshman sprinted Read more
Freshman with Sock on Door Could Have Easily Sent Text
by Melanie Hoffmann NEW/NORTH RESIDENTIAL COLLEGE — Freshman resident Randy Danvers caused widespread confusion among his floormates after hanging a Read more
“Me, Myself, and I Love the Carpool Lane,” Declares Man Minutes Before Massive Fine
By Amanda Douglas PALMDALE, CA – In a devastating misstep, local commuter Terry Moore proclaimed, “Me, myself, and I love Read more
Student Starves to Death After Being Trapped in Chair-Desk Hybrid
by Jonathan Krone TAPER HALL OF HUMANITIES — Tragedy struck the Trojan Family today when freshman Max Rosenberg starved to Read more
USC Village’s Newest Establishment Just Empty Room Where You Can Spit On Poor People
By Patrick Duffy LOS ANGELES, CA – Students and patrons at USC Village will soon have a new spot to Read more
“Wait, What’d You Say?” Asks Third Friend On Narrow Sidewalk
By Eloise Rollins-Fife LOS ANGELES — They say three’s a crowd, and no one understands this better than Freddie Putz, Read more
Carol Folt Accidentally Sends Blank Scandal Email Template to The Entire School
By Jonathan Krone UNIVERSITY PARK, CA — While messing around with different font colors, new USC President Carol Folt accidentally Read more