Firing Of Helton Fails, USC Resorts To Bioterrorism To Shift Odds
By Sarah Cortina and Alexandra Ornes The “weekender” has become the “10 days, given symptoms do not change or new
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News in Brief
Increasingly Bold Joe Manchin Demands Congress Remove All Vowels from Reconciliation Bill
By Jonathan Krone WASHINGTON, DC – As negotiations rage on in Congress, an increasingly obstinate Joe Manchin recently demanded that
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Netflix Announces ‘James and the Giant Peach’ Spinoff, ‘Nicki Minaj’s Cousin’s Friend and the Time His Balls Inflated Like a Goodyear Blimp and Carried Him to Brooklyn’
By Staff “When we saw Nicki Minaj’s Twitter thread, we knew it was a match made in entertainment heaven,” said
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Apology: We Wrote a Report on Biden’s Fiscal Policy, But Devious Leprechauns Dyed it Green
By Preston Long LOS ANGELES, CA —At its founding, the Sack of Troy dedicated itself to one thing: holding the
Read moreHomeless Man With Funny Sign Still Homeless
by Susi Basse CHICAGO, IL -- When Alfie Garrett, a homeless Vietnam vet in Chicago, Illinois, woke up this morning Read more
Every Day “Turkey Day” For Bowling Larry
by Sam Kushell MICHIGAN -- For Kalamazoo’s own “Bowling Larry”, every single day since October 29, 1983 has been Turkey Read more
Robert Durst Tries Stand-Up, Kills
by Alex Greenblatt COMEDY CELLAR — At a local open mic, real estate mogul, heir to the Seymore Durst, and Read more