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Author: Matt Hanisch

Local 

Parents Unsuccessfully Feign Surprise When Son Comes Out of Closet

January 25, 2018 Matt Hanisch 4089 Views
by Matt Hanisch DECATUR, IL -- Though Susan and Jonathan Hardy tried their best, they were unable to contain their Read more
College USC 

Students Hold Séance to Contact Café 84 and Ground Zero

November 21, 2017June 19, 2020 Matt Hanisch 4319 Views
by Matt Hanisch USC Campus - On Thursday night, a group of students gathered to use other-worldly means to contact Read more
College USC 

Dean Daley “Monitoring” the Bryan Singer Situation Like Freshman “Monitoring” his GPA

November 13, 2017June 19, 2020 Matt Hanisch 4100 Views
by Matt Hanisch USC - Elizabeth Daley, dean of USC’s School of Cinematic Arts, responded to a petition to change Read more
Local 

Man with Hokey Pokey Addiction Finally Turns Himself Around

April 24, 2017April 24, 2017 Matt Hanisch 3761 Views
by Matt Hanisch PASADENA, CA -- After a long, dizzying battle, Jimmy Norton has finally overcome his addiction to the Read more
Local 

Kid with Peanut Allergy Won’t Stop Making Such a Big Deal About It

April 19, 2017 Matt Hanisch 3077 Views
by Matt Hanisch LOS ANGELES, CA -- Eugene Harris has a history of shoving his problems in other people’s faces, Read more
Local 

Only Thing Missing from Bride’s Extensive Wedding Plans Is Actual Groom

March 24, 2017March 24, 2017 Matt Hanisch 3733 Views
by Matt Hanisch BOISE, ID -- It’s the day she’s been dreaming about forever, and it’s just around the corner. Read more
College USC 

Sophomore on Apartment Meal Plan “Gonna Make This Swipe F*cking Count!”

March 1, 2017June 19, 2020 Matt Hanisch 3273 Views
by Matt Hanisch USC -- Chad Bronkowski, a sophomore on the apartment meal plan, had only 8 meal swipes left Read more
Local 

That One Kid Still Laughing at Professor’s Joke

January 19, 2017 Matt Hanisch 3375 Views
by Matt Hanisch TAPER HALL — Sources indicate that “that one kid” is still cracking up about the corny joke Read more
Videos 

Wow! This Tour Guide Said “F**k It” and Decided to Give an Honest Tour of Campus

January 13, 2017 Matt Hanisch 4322 Views
written and directed by Matt Hanisch starring Kim Rogers Read more
Local Politics 

Progressive Man Defies Gender Roles, Waits for Girl to Ask Him Out

November 30, 2016June 19, 2020 Matt Hanisch 3431 Views
by Matt Hanisch LOS ANGELES, CA — Self-proclaimed progressive Louis Adams-Smith took a bold step last week when he decided to Read more
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Recent Posts

  • Sperm Racing Rematch to Take Place in My Bedroom
  • Move Over “Severance”! Apple TV Premieres New Hit Show “Get Out with White People”
  • Spending Cuts Force LA Times “Festival of Books” to Rebrand as “Festival of Book”
  • Trump Actually Anti-Capitalist King
  • USC Names Bully Who Stole Your Lunch Money as New Head of Student Dining

Article Roulette

Sports Car to Replace Traveler as USC Mascot

Sports Car to Replace Traveler as USC Mascot

September 26, 2015 Staff No Comment

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