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World

World 

Whale Found Dead off the Coast of Italy Actually Just a Large Seafood Calzone

February 24, 2021February 24, 2021 Emily Torp

By Emily Torp NAPLES, ITALY — After initially reporting they found an enormous whale carcass off the southern coast, the

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World 

Study Finds Small Doses of 5G Promote Super Powers Like Telekinesis and Jumping Really High and Stuff

February 3, 2021February 1, 2021 Hannah Ryan

By Hannah Ryan LOS ANGELES, CA–– A recent report by the World Health Organization on the effects of 5G on

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World 

CEO Of Racism Steps Down Amid Rumors Of Tolerant Remarks

January 18, 2021April 7, 2021 Staff

By Staff MONTGOMERY, ALABAMA – Following several weeks of rumors and allegations that he’s been “getting soft” and fails to

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World 

Measles, Polio Assure Sobbing COVID-19 That a Vaccine Doesn’t Mean Extinction

January 12, 2021January 10, 2021 Drew Thomas-Nathan

By Drew Thomas-Nathan WESTWOOD, CA — A vaccine for COVID-19 is finally here and just starting to be distributed. Sensing

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World 

Santa’s Elves Classified As Independent Contractors For Tax Reasons

December 24, 2020February 6, 2021 Adam Sanderson

By Adam Sanderson NORTH POLE – On December 25th, a new law allowing Santa-Co. LLC to refuse employee benefits from

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World 

Pfizer Confirms Vaccine Just Vial of the True Spirit of Christmas

December 23, 2020January 23, 2021 Melanie Hoffmann

By Melanie Hoffmann NEW YORK, NY – In a bombshell news conference, Pfizer spokesperson Malia Wexler confirmed that their coronavirus

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World 

Vaccine to Be Made Available to The Most Fuckable People First

December 14, 2020January 21, 2021 Maggie Bowen

By Maggie Bowen DETROIT, MI  – As Moderna and Pfzier rush to ship out their vaccines, the CDC laid out

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Attention Vortex Entertainment World 

Quiz: Which “Dreidel, Dreidel, Dreidel” Lyric Describes Your Sex Life?

December 10, 2020January 21, 2021 Drew Thomas-Nathan

By Drew Thomas-Nathan The Sack of Troy’s most brilliant and dedicated in-house sociologists have discovered that every human being’s sex

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World 

FDA Fast Tracks Covid Vaccine After Learning Coronavirus Causes Erectile Dysfunction

December 9, 2020January 21, 2021 Alexandra Ornes

By Alexandra Ornes WASHINGTON D.C. – On Saturday scientists announced erectile dysfunction could be a long-term side effect of Coronavirus,

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World 

Developmental Psychologists Worried That Young Children Are Starting To Believe Their Grandparents Actually Live Inside Smartphones

December 9, 2020December 6, 2020 Emily Torp

by Emily Torp HOUSTON, TX — World-renowned Developmental Psychologist Jerome Richardson, with the Texas Children’s Hospital, has found that “young

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Recent Posts

  • Film Student Forced Into Intervention Over ‘Whimsical’ Letterboxd Top 4
  • RFK Jr. Launches ‘Just Say No’ Anti-Vax Campaign
  • Man Who Restates What You Said But Louder Wins Pulitzer Prize
  • Traveler Refuses to Eat Hay: “Only Meat,” Says the Horse
  • Bari Weiss Guts 60 Minutes; Now 15 Seconds

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All Football Hopefuls Must Tryout With an Eight Bar Cut of “Single Ladies”

All Football Hopefuls Must Tryout With an Eight Bar Cut of “Single Ladies”

August 24, 2025 Charlotte Phillipp No Comment

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