Day 32 of White House Website Just Showing Monkey Holding Wrench
by Ethan Thomson Read more
Author: Staff
Baby Jesus Sees Shadow, Won’t Be Crucified for Another Four Months
by Keith Herrmann BETHLEHEM– For the third year in a row, the newborn Jesus Christ has seen his shadow and Read more
Newly Installed Dorm Carpet Doesn’t Know What It’s Getting Into
by Chris Cheshire The spick n’ span new threads in New North Room 1412 have absolutely no idea what’s coming Read more
Progressive Fountains of Wayne Member Liked Stacy’s Mom For Her Personality
by Finn Kobler 2000’s one-hit-wonder band Fountains of Wayne is re-circulating the pop stratosphere after drummer Brian Young spoke about Read more
Student Not Here to Make Friends, Have Fun, Get Sleep, Graduate
by Keith Herrmann Viterbi freshman Sydney Eriksson announced that she did not come to USC to make friends, nor have Read more
Local Man Disappointed He Gave Away Good Edibles to Lightweight Trick or Treaters
by Finn Kobler FLAGSTAFF, AZ – Outrage percolated around 23-year-old Gabriel Boulton this Halloween after he received multiple complaints from Read more
Sam Darnold Spotted Wandering Through Streets of Newark in Search of Nearest Cupcake ATM
by Dan Toomey Residents of Newark, New Jersey were stunned to find former USC quarterback and New York Jets rookie Read more
SCA’s George Lucas Building to be Renamed in Light of Allegations That He Sucks
by Keith Herrmann SCA – USC’s School of Cinematic Arts has moved forward with plans to remove George Lucas’s name Read more