Graduating Senior Honored for Record Fundraging Totals

In a ceremony last Thursday held by the Michael and Kijafa Vick Children’s Foundation, Winthrop “The Throp” Jones, a graduating senior from the Marshall School of Business majoring in Ponzi equity management, received an award for his charity work during his four years at USC.

Community Celebrates DPS Practices

Last Saturday, the community surrounded the University of Southern California celebrated the Department of Public Safety's initiatives to make the neighborhood safe with a barbeque for the officers. Rodney Washington, a resident of the apartment building holding the party told Sack of Troy reporters, "We just want to thank DPS for all the good they've done in the community.

U.S. News College Rankings: USC Finally Better than Dartmouth. Administrators Rejoice.

Early on Thursday evening, USC administrators received confirmation that U.S. News College Rankings had upped USC's standing from number 23 to 22, overtaking Dartmouth (formerly number 22) in the process.
 
Businesses Seek to Capitalize on Greek Parties

It's register season again, and you know what that means! Alcohol sales are up, standards are down, and class attendance has never been lower! Most people associate this lifestyle with music, dancing, drinking, and Chlamydia. Few people, however, recognize it for what it really is: a business opportunity.
Fun Event Occurs at Parkside- Onlookers in Disbelief

On Thursday evening, news broke of an apparent “event” at Parkside.  University officials were at first doubtful that the stories were true, saying that the odds of a fun event occurring at Parkside are as minimal as the social interaction among its residents.
Admissions Staff Gives Prospective Students Extremely Accurate Picture of Life at USC

For the past few weeks, some of America’s brightest high school seniors have been visiting campus for the Explore USC program .  USC personnel have been putting all of their resources towards recruiting these students to come to USC.



EVKitty to be Put Down

Maxie McKittens, known affectionately by EVK-goers as EVKitty, is scheduled to be put down next Thursday, February 7th. The cat was charged with attempting to steal food from EVK in spite of the strict laws prohibiting such action. "He wasn't able to pay the $100 fine," EVK spokesman Robert Samuelson declared, "so we will have to do the only logical and humane thing that we can: kill him."
Traveler Gets Drunk, Takes Picture on Top of Student

USC has grown all too accustomed to the bacchanals that inevitably occur on late weekend nights, which often lead to shenanigans such as swimming in the Leavey Library fountain and taking drunk pictures on top of Traveler’s statue. In an uncanny turn of events, Traveler himself has been caught engaging in similar antics.
Stocks to Watch at USC

The savvy investor will want to pay attention to the following news related to USC's highest valued stocks: EVK Cattle Feed and Dining Hall Corporation, Parkside Dorm Properties, The Original Chano's, and Secure University Campus Services.