Web Reg Announces Ticketmaster Collab, GE Seats Sell for $485

By Izzy Ster

LOS ANGELES, CA – In light of students registering for classes in the coming weeks, USC announced Web Reg would be completely revamped by Ticketmaster, citing their desire to partner with a company with like-minded values.

Whitney Greer, a current sophomore majoring in Popular Music in Thornton, expressed her frustrations with this year’s registration cycle. “Like, sure, after everything with the Eras Tour fiasco I was anxious, but I didn’t think it would be worse. I got presale for ANTH 315 for my GE-C requirement, but when I went to check out my course bin, a spot in the class was being resold by a fucking Marshall major for $485. Do I look like I care about profit margins?”

Greer is not alone in this sentiment. Students also reported seeing the “You Are Now in The Queue” screen for almost three hours, with over 3000+ people being ahead of them in line. “I don’t even get it. There are not 3000 fucking people in my major. By the time I tried to register for my music theory class, it had sold out!” Greer lamented. Current speculations believe that students may be getting locked out of Ticketmaster’s Verified Fan system as a result of their inability to sort “real” students from bots.

Ticketmaster announced they would have to cancel general registration, pointing towards a surge of students trying to clamor for seats in GE classes. “We know you need these classes to graduate, but that sounds like a personal problem,” Ticketmaster CEO Jared Smith said in a statement. “At the end of the day, it’s just wonderful that this collaboration allows USC and Ticketmaster to celebrate their intersection: screwing people over financially.”