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Author: Sarah Cortina

Uncategorized 

“See, New York Is Just Fucking Better than LA,” Coughs USC New Yorker Through Cloud of Smoke

June 7, 2023June 7, 2023 Sarah Cortina

By Sarah Cortina  NEW YORK, NY — The long standing bicoastal argument over which city reigns supreme falls to the

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Entertainment 

Cocaine Bear Spotted with Emily Ratajkowski

March 27, 2023March 27, 2023 Sarah Cortina

By Sarah Cortina NEW YORK, NEW YORK — This past weekend, supermodel Emily Ratajkowksi was spotted with Cocaine Bear.  In

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Politics 

Police to Earn Statehood Before DC

March 8, 2023March 6, 2023 Sarah Cortina

By Sarah Cortina WASHINGTON, D.C. — Despite a long-standing fight to grant statehood to the District of Columbia, and amid

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World 

CDC Releases New Statement For Birth Control Side Effects: “Too Bad, Slut”

March 8, 2023March 8, 2023 Sarah Cortina

By Sarah Cortina ATLANTA, GA — Following a rise in complaints from women about the side effects that often come

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College USC 

USC Addresses South Central Food Desert With Village Erewhon

February 8, 2023February 7, 2023 Sarah Cortina

By Sarah Cortina LOS ANGELES, CA — The Los Angeles County grocery store favored among influencers off duty has decided

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College USC 

Fraternity slammed for Insensitive Party Themed ‘Guns Shots or Fireworks’

January 19, 2023January 19, 2023 Sarah Cortina

By Sarah Cortina LOS ANGELES, CA — UPIFC fraternity Pi Omega Sigma, colloquially known as POS, was slammed this week

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Entertainment 

Equality Win! Pete Davidson Shows Men Can Sleep Their Way To The Top Too

November 22, 2022November 22, 2022 Sarah Cortina

By Sarah Cortina NEW YORK — Following confirmation of his latest fling with supermodel Emily Ratajkowski, Pete Davidson cemented his

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World 

Swiss Prostitute Sex Neutral

October 23, 2022October 23, 2022 Sarah Cortina

By Sarah Cortina AMSTERDAM, NETHERLANDS — Celia Müller, a Geneva native, has taken a sex neutral approach to her sex

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Politics World 

Trump Insists Destroyed Documents Simply Being Used As Guinea Pig Bedding

August 10, 2022August 10, 2022 Sarah Cortina

By Sarah Cortina  PALM BEACH, FL — After the FBI raided his Mar-a-Lago estate, Donald Trump insisted that incriminating documents

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Local Sports 

Clear Bag Policy Apparently Doesn’t Apply If Bag is Stuffed With Cocaine

May 27, 2022May 27, 2022 Sarah Cortina

By Sarah Cortina CHICAGO, IL — Local man Travis Porter was disappointed to find out that Wrigley Field’s clear bag

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Recent Posts

  • Sperm Racing Rematch to Take Place in My Bedroom
  • Move Over “Severance”! Apple TV Premieres New Hit Show “Get Out with White People”
  • Spending Cuts Force LA Times “Festival of Books” to Rebrand as “Festival of Book”
  • Trump Actually Anti-Capitalist King
  • USC Names Bully Who Stole Your Lunch Money as New Head of Student Dining

Article Roulette

Vaccine to Be Made Available to The Most Fuckable People First

Vaccine to Be Made Available to The Most Fuckable People First

December 14, 2020 Maggie Bowen No Comment

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