Girlboss Alert! Melinda Takes Half of Bill’s Shit

By Luca Soltero

LOS ANGELES, CA – Melinda Gates has divorced Bill Gates. This Gatekeeping #qween was not playing any games after scoring the hottest billionaire, and future DILF, Bill Gates, in 1994.

However this year our #qween totally gaslighted Bill and divorced him, taking along with her an astounding 125 million dollars in cash. Her daughter, Jennifer Gates, had a lot to say on the pressing issue, “Mom is the definition of a Girlboss, she had a way of taking half of dad’s things before she could, like, even do it for real, like one time I remember that he asked Mom to stop “pegging” him. Not exactly sure what that means I think it has something to do with baseball. He mentioned how he felt that she was taking half of his manhood or something.”

It seems that our number one Gaslit Gatekeeping #qween, Melinda, was not only a Girlboss in the streets, but also in the sheets. When asked about the divorce, Bill responded “You know at first we were really in love, but I thought it was strange that Melinda always talked about how she loved stealing half of people’s stuff and then, boom, it happened to me. She took half of my penis- I mean happiness, my money, my kids, and I can honestly say that she totally gaslit me and I never even saw it coming.”

In the wake of this breaking news on Girlboss Melinda’s riches and femdominance, many of us have been left asking “would I have a shot with Melinda Gates?”

 God I hope so. 

“File:Bill og Melinda Gates 2009-06-03 (bilde 01).JPG” by Kjetil Ree is licensed under CC BY-SA 3.0