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Author: Bill Rockas

Sports 

SC Loses After Freshman Forgets To Kick Lamppost

November 30, 2024February 4, 2025 Bill Rockas 634 Views

By Bill Rockas LOS ANGELES, CA – As the Trojans concluded their lackluster Big 10 season with a loss to

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Politics U.S. 

Instagram Stories Mourning The Loss of A Nation Interrupted By Fun Birthday Shoutout

November 7, 2024November 8, 2024 Bill Rockas 593 Views

By Bill Rockas LOS ANGELES, CA—As millions of Americans sift through the heated political discourse and cries for democracy’s salvation

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Local 

Opinion: Everyone’s Sex Positive Till They See How I Do It

April 19, 2024April 14, 2024 Bill Rockas 679 Views

By Bill Rockas LOS ANGELES, CA – Modern culture has made leaps and bounds in promoting the values necessary to

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USC 

To Ensure Attention, USC Classrooms Will Now Feature TVs Playing Cropped Footage of Subway Surfers

February 13, 2024February 11, 2024 Bill Rockas 2400 Views

By Bill Rockas LOS ANGELES, CA – In an effort to maintain student attention, USC will play cropped footage of

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News in Brief 

BREAKING: Somewhere, A Bunch of Nerd Technicians Just Stood Up In Their Little Control Room and Cheered!

February 5, 2024February 5, 2025 Bill Rockas 174 Views

By Bill Rockas MERRIT ISLAND, FL – Following the successful landing of Odysseus on The Moon, all the cute little

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Uncategorized 

Class Sits In Complicit Silence As YouTube Autoplay Counts Down Behind Professor

January 19, 2024January 19, 2024 Bill Rockas 903 Views

By Bill Rockas LOS ANGELES, CA – During Professor Horace Broadlong’s Astronomy 200 lecture, an entire auditorium of students sat

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Uncategorized 

“Now Bring Us Some Figgy Pudding!” Chants Increasingly Violent Mob

December 23, 2023December 23, 2023 Bill Rockas 956 Views

By Bill Rockas MILWAUKEE, WI – Tragedy struck at 6:20 P.M., December 15 when a small group of carolers were

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Uncategorized 

Forensic Scientists Open Investigation Into Whether Two Mutuals Are Still Dating

December 4, 2023December 3, 2023 Bill Rockas 871 Views

By Bill Rockas BOULDER, CO – Forensic scientists are conducting various tests across multiple social media platforms to understand whether

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Entertainment 

“I’m On The Bleachers” And 8 Other Times Taylor Swift Predicted The Future

October 18, 2023October 12, 2023 Bill Rockas 1260 Views

By Bill Rockas LOS ANGELES, CA – Taylor Swift, the paragon of pop singers, the generation-defining giant, timber-er of Ticketmaster,

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USC 

USC Defensive Coordinator Revealed To Be A “Welcome” Doormat

October 14, 2023October 14, 2023 Bill Rockas 678 Views

By Bill Rockas LOS ANGELES, CA – USC football fans are shocked after the reveal that defensive coordinator Alex Grinch

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Recent Posts

  • Sperm Racing Rematch to Take Place in My Bedroom
  • Move Over “Severance”! Apple TV Premieres New Hit Show “Get Out with White People”
  • Spending Cuts Force LA Times “Festival of Books” to Rebrand as “Festival of Book”
  • Trump Actually Anti-Capitalist King
  • USC Names Bully Who Stole Your Lunch Money as New Head of Student Dining

Article Roulette

Sororities Employ Barcode Tattoos to Tell Attractive, Blonde Sisters Apart

Sororities Employ Barcode Tattoos to Tell Attractive, Blonde Sisters Apart

October 3, 2016 Staff No Comment

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