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Politics

College Politics USC 

Conservatives Condemn USC for Inciting Violence With Motto “Fight On!”

February 19, 2021February 19, 2021 Emily Torp

By Emily Torp WASHINGTON – As part of the montage presented during the second impeachment trial, former President Donald Trump’s

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Politics 

Major Biden Named New Chief of DC Police To Accommodate Black Lives and All Lives Matter Activists

January 28, 2021January 26, 2021 Emily Torp

By Emily Torp Washington, DC – Mayor Bowser has picked First Dog Major Biden to replace outgoing Chief Newsham of

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Politics 

“You’ve Got What It Takes, Kid!” Ted Cruz Names Josh Hawley to Succeed Him As New Zodiac Killer

January 26, 2021January 25, 2021 Gitika Pahwa

By Gitika Pahwa WASHINGTON D.C. – In an intimate exchange between the two junior senators on the chamber floor, Ted

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Attention Vortex Politics 

QUIZ: Do You Deserve A Trump Pardon?

January 19, 2021January 21, 2021 Rachel Michelman

By Rachel Michelman It’s the last day of the Trump presidency, which means it’s time for some pardons on his

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Politics 

Trump Horrified to Learn Last Four Years Spent in Presidential Simulator Were Real

January 14, 2021January 21, 2021 Thomas Johnston

By Thomas Johnston WASHINGTON, D.C.— President Trump received a cruel wake-up call today when he finally discovered that the last

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Columns Politics Strong Feelings 

Opinion: Now Is Not the Time For Driving a Ship Through Ursula the Sea Witch’s Chest as She Cackles About Ruling the Seven Seas, Now Is the Time For Unity

January 12, 2021January 11, 2021 Drew Thomas-Nathan

By Jetsam We were all shocked when Ursula the sea witch tricked King Triton into giving her his magic trident.

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Local Politics 

“Wow, It’s Just Like Parasite!” Says Los Feliz Dad Who Owns Not One, But Two Lexuses

January 7, 2021January 7, 2021 Charlotte Phillipp

By Charlotte Phillipp LOS FELIZ, LOS ANGELES — The situation in the White House is exactly like Bong Joon-ho’s “Parasite,”

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Politics 

Trump Finally Concedes! (That He Kissed Pence On The Lips During A Drunken Weekend At Mar-A-Lago)

January 6, 2021January 6, 2021 Emily Torp

By Emily Torp WASHINGTON, DC — President Donald Trump has finally made the concession that the nation has been waiting

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Politics 

Conservative Georgian Sits on Hand Before Voting So it Feels Like Someone Else is Screwing State Over

January 5, 2021January 21, 2021 Staff

By Staff MACON, GA — Shutting his blinds and opening an incognito tab to ogle exit polls, Georgian conservative Ted

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Politics 

$600 Stimulus A Lot of Money For Jimmy, 8

December 21, 2020January 21, 2021 Mia Young

By Mia Young RENO, NV – While many Americans are outraged over the proposed $600 stimulus check, local eight year

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Recent Posts

  • OPINION: I Took Every Buzzfeed Quiz, The Results Were Frightening
  • TrojanLearn CHR Requirement Replaced by New ConsentGPT 
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  • Stranger Things Fans Disappointed by Finale of Noah Schnapp’s Career

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Draft Soon To Begin For Fantasy Beer Pong

November 11, 2013 Staff No Comment

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