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Politics

Politics 

Major Biden Named New Chief of DC Police To Accommodate Black Lives and All Lives Matter Activists

January 28, 2021January 26, 2021 Emily Torp

By Emily Torp Washington, DC – Mayor Bowser has picked First Dog Major Biden to replace outgoing Chief Newsham of

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Politics 

“You’ve Got What It Takes, Kid!” Ted Cruz Names Josh Hawley to Succeed Him As New Zodiac Killer

January 26, 2021January 25, 2021 Gitika Pahwa

By Gitika Pahwa WASHINGTON D.C. – In an intimate exchange between the two junior senators on the chamber floor, Ted

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Attention Vortex Politics 

QUIZ: Do You Deserve A Trump Pardon?

January 19, 2021January 21, 2021 Rachel Michelman

By Rachel Michelman It’s the last day of the Trump presidency, which means it’s time for some pardons on his

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Politics 

Trump Horrified to Learn Last Four Years Spent in Presidential Simulator Were Real

January 14, 2021January 21, 2021 Thomas Johnston

By Thomas Johnston WASHINGTON, D.C.— President Trump received a cruel wake-up call today when he finally discovered that the last

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Columns Politics Strong Feelings 

Opinion: Now Is Not the Time For Driving a Ship Through Ursula the Sea Witch’s Chest as She Cackles About Ruling the Seven Seas, Now Is the Time For Unity

January 12, 2021January 11, 2021 Drew Thomas-Nathan

By Jetsam We were all shocked when Ursula the sea witch tricked King Triton into giving her his magic trident.

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Local Politics 

“Wow, It’s Just Like Parasite!” Says Los Feliz Dad Who Owns Not One, But Two Lexuses

January 7, 2021January 7, 2021 Charlotte Phillipp

By Charlotte Phillipp LOS FELIZ, LOS ANGELES — The situation in the White House is exactly like Bong Joon-ho’s “Parasite,”

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Politics 

Trump Finally Concedes! (That He Kissed Pence On The Lips During A Drunken Weekend At Mar-A-Lago)

January 6, 2021January 6, 2021 Emily Torp

By Emily Torp WASHINGTON, DC — President Donald Trump has finally made the concession that the nation has been waiting

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Politics 

Conservative Georgian Sits on Hand Before Voting So it Feels Like Someone Else is Screwing State Over

January 5, 2021January 21, 2021 Staff

By Staff MACON, GA — Shutting his blinds and opening an incognito tab to ogle exit polls, Georgian conservative Ted

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Politics 

$600 Stimulus A Lot of Money For Jimmy, 8

December 21, 2020January 21, 2021 Mia Young

By Mia Young RENO, NV – While many Americans are outraged over the proposed $600 stimulus check, local eight year

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Politics 

Mitch McConnell Eats the Rich, Whoops, I Mean Eats the Rich’s Asses

December 17, 2020January 21, 2021 Prerika Chawla

By Prerika Chawla WASHINGTON D.C. – Leaked reports from Congress state that Mitch McConnell eats the rich, shocking many since

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Recent Posts

  • POTUS Changes Holiday Name To “Trump-MLK Day”
  • Millie Bobby Brown Adopts Fellow Child Actors
  • Business Bro Confused By New MLM Show
  • Petroleo the Oil Wizard Seen Whispering to Trump During Press Conference 
  • USC Dutch Bros Does Not Pass Bechdel Test

Article Roulette

Girlboss Alert! This Mother and Daughter Both Tested Positive for COVID-19!

Girlboss Alert! This Mother and Daughter Both Tested Positive for COVID-19!

March 1, 2021 Sarah Cortina No Comment

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