Opinion: Now Is Not the Time For Driving a Ship Through Ursula the Sea Witch’s Chest as She Cackles About Ruling the Seven Seas, Now Is the Time For Unity

By Jetsam

We were all shocked when Ursula the sea witch tricked King Triton into giving her his magic trident. We were even more shocked when she used said trident to turn into a towering monster and shoot magic death beams at her political opponents. In light of these events some are considering ramming a ship through Ursula to stop her, but that would only further divide our kingdom. Instead we should be trying to turn the page and unify our undersea kingdom.

Look ship rammers–”shippers” I’ll call you–I see the appeal. Between the cackling about the extent of her powers and the whirlpool she summoned full of shipwrecks and loose debris, using one of those splintered hulls to impale Ursula seems like the quickest way to end her evil reign before her actions end up killing someone. 

But we mustn’t do anything rash. Ursula’s campy, theatrical displays of power are exactly that: a show. Her supercharged magic powers will probably lose their luster soon, at which point she will assuredly start projecting the usual seriousness and gravitas expected of her as Queen of the Sea.

In these increasingly polarized times driving a ship straight through Ursula’s colossal form may also drive a wedge further between the ideologically diverse fish in our sea. Like it or not, there are still ordinary fish out there that support Ursula. Not me though, I’m talking about other fish. 

Granted I was one of the eels who lured the young Ariel into Ursula’s grasp so that she could enact her plan to obtain the trident, but I never expected her to turn King Triton into a small shrivelled worm thing or pursue violent revenge against her enemies. Needless to say I disavow those actions. But I also believe her actions before the ones I disavowed are still valid and need to be entertained, as many other fish in Atlantica believe too.

We can all agree this behavior came out of nowhere. Who could have predicted the reclusive octopus lady would scheme to take Triton’s power? The same Ursula who always sings about helping poor unfortunate souls? She does occasionally complain about how the royal palace was much better when she lived there, seemingly expressing a desire to make Atlantica great again, but who could have known such sentiments would lead to this violent insurrection?

I didn’t know. Neither did any of the thousands of fish, crabs, eels, rays, sharks, squids, and more who supported Ursula all the way up to this moment. So don’t hold it against us. You and your loved ones may be in immediate danger, but we have to deal with the weight on our conscience from actively supporting this. We’re both hurting. Don’t get caught up in vengeance trying to defend yourself. Just please give us a chance to heal.

Let’s come together in the name of peace, unity, and–Hey why is Ursula pointing that trident this way? AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAggagGHahgGHAghsghaghghggdgags!