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Author: Thomas Johnston

Politics 

Trump Horrified to Learn Last Four Years Spent in Presidential Simulator Were Real

January 14, 2021January 21, 2021 Thomas Johnston 1446 Views

By Thomas Johnston WASHINGTON, D.C.— President Trump received a cruel wake-up call today when he finally discovered that the last

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World 

“Researchers Find” Makes Headline Sound More Official

November 25, 2020January 21, 2021 Thomas Johnston 1616 Views

By Thomas Johnston

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College Local 

Roommates Meet For First Time After Router Malfunction

November 19, 2020November 19, 2020 Thomas Johnston 1921 Views

By Thomas Johnston LOS ANGELES, CA– In an uncomfortable yet touching modern-day meet-cute, long-time roommates Julian Smith and William Li

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Local 

You Think You’ve Suffered From The Pandemic? This Guy’s Whole Personality Was Going To The Gym

October 20, 2020October 18, 2020 Thomas Johnston 1765 Views

By Thomas Johnston LOS ANGELES, CA – Missing your friends and family? Sick of all the uncertainty? Tired of spending

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Local 

Tesla Autopilot Swerves Elon Musk Into Oncoming Traffic In Elaborate First-Ever A.I. Kamikaze Attack

September 15, 2020September 15, 2020 Thomas Johnston 2383 Views

By Thomas Johnston LOS ANGELES, CA— In a horrific car non-accident that can only be explained as the first-ever A.I.

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News in Pictures 

South Rises Again

August 26, 2020June 12, 2021 Thomas Johnston 1563 Views
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Recent Posts

  • Sperm Racing Rematch to Take Place in My Bedroom
  • Move Over “Severance”! Apple TV Premieres New Hit Show “Get Out with White People”
  • Spending Cuts Force LA Times “Festival of Books” to Rebrand as “Festival of Book”
  • Trump Actually Anti-Capitalist King
  • USC Names Bully Who Stole Your Lunch Money as New Head of Student Dining

Article Roulette

Film Industry Scientists Create Black Hole in Attempt to Show 2-D Movie in 4DX

October 28, 2014 Rob Smat No Comment

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