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  • Future Salary Directly Correlated With How Often You Post on LinkedIn
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Author: Thomas Johnston

Politics 

Trump Horrified to Learn Last Four Years Spent in Presidential Simulator Were Real

January 14, 2021January 21, 2021 Thomas Johnston 918 Views

By Thomas Johnston WASHINGTON, D.C.— President Trump received a cruel wake-up call today when he finally discovered that the last

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World 

“Researchers Find” Makes Headline Sound More Official

November 25, 2020January 21, 2021 Thomas Johnston 915 Views

By Thomas Johnston

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College Local 

Roommates Meet For First Time After Router Malfunction

November 19, 2020November 19, 2020 Thomas Johnston 1388 Views

By Thomas Johnston LOS ANGELES, CA– In an uncomfortable yet touching modern-day meet-cute, long-time roommates Julian Smith and William Li

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Local 

You Think You’ve Suffered From The Pandemic? This Guy’s Whole Personality Was Going To The Gym

October 20, 2020October 18, 2020 Thomas Johnston 1253 Views

By Thomas Johnston LOS ANGELES, CA – Missing your friends and family? Sick of all the uncertainty? Tired of spending

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Local 

Tesla Autopilot Swerves Elon Musk Into Oncoming Traffic In Elaborate First-Ever A.I. Kamikaze Attack

September 15, 2020September 15, 2020 Thomas Johnston 1819 Views

By Thomas Johnston LOS ANGELES, CA— In a horrific car non-accident that can only be explained as the first-ever A.I.

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News in Pictures 

South Rises Again

August 26, 2020June 12, 2021 Thomas Johnston 1046 Views
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Recent Posts

  • Inside Out 2 Reveals Newest Emotion: Slow-Creeping Existential Dread
  • Future Salary Directly Correlated With How Often You Post on LinkedIn
  • Divorced Father Wins Children’s Presence at Thanksgiving With Promises of Underage Drinking
  • Trojan Knights Chest Paint Accidentally Spells Out The Name of The Forbidden One, Summoning His Wretchedness from the Depths
  • Cheer Heard After Leaving Party Was About You

Article Roulette

You Think You’ve Suffered From The Pandemic? This Guy’s Whole Personality Was Going To The Gym

You Think You’ve Suffered From The Pandemic? This Guy’s Whole Personality Was Going To The Gym

October 20, 2020 Thomas Johnston No Comment

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