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College Local 

Roommate Really Glad You Think the Skeleton is a Decoration

October 30, 2019June 17, 2020 Jose Cardenas

[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]By Jose Cardenas LOS ANGELES, CA — As Halloween rolls around, University of Southern California senior Richard Mortis feels relieved

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College Local 

Freshman with Sock on Door Could Have Easily Sent Text

October 22, 2019June 17, 2020 Melanie Hoffmann

[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]by Melanie Hoffmann NEW/NORTH RESIDENTIAL COLLEGE — Freshman resident Randy Danvers caused widespread confusion among his floormates after hanging a

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Local 

“Me, Myself, and I Love the Carpool Lane,” Declares Man Minutes Before Massive Fine

October 21, 2019 Amanda Douglas

[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]By Amanda Douglas PALMDALE, CA – In a devastating misstep, local commuter Terry Moore proclaimed, “Me, myself, and I love

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Local 

Student Starves to Death After Being Trapped in Chair-Desk Hybrid

October 10, 2019October 10, 2019 Jonathan Krone

[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]by Jonathan Krone TAPER HALL OF HUMANITIES — Tragedy struck the Trojan Family today when freshman Max Rosenberg starved to

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Local 

“Wait, What’d You Say?” Asks Third Friend On Narrow Sidewalk

October 7, 2019October 7, 2019 Eloise Rollins-Fife

[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]By Eloise Rollins-Fife LOS ANGELES — They say three’s a crowd, and no one understands this better than Freddie Putz,

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College Local 

Carol Folt Accidentally Sends Blank Scandal Email Template to The Entire School

October 2, 2019June 17, 2020 Jonathan Krone

[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]By Jonathan Krone UNIVERSITY PARK, CA — While messing around with different font colors, new USC President Carol Folt accidentally

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Local 

Hot Girl Summer Lukewarm at Best

September 3, 2019October 28, 2020 Staff

[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]by Melanie Hoffmann  LOS ANGELES, CA — On August 10th, when USC junior Lucy Lampart tweeted that she had experienced

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Local 

Local Man Mows Lawn Like He Doesn’t Have a Second Family

April 22, 2019 Amanda Douglas

[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]by Amanda Douglas SONOMA, CA – On Thursday morning, Sonoma residents found Greg Geffen once again mowing his lawn like

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Local 

Smarty Pants First Grader’s Favorite Color “Clear”

March 20, 2019 Christine Politte

[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]by Christine Politte VERMONT AVENUE ELEMENTARY SCHOOL — While most of Ms. Lori Miller’s first grade students spent Tuesday coloring

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Local 

Catholic Church Realizes That’s Not What “Women and Children First” Means

March 6, 2019 Sydney Sanchez

[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]by Sydney Sanchez VATICAN CITY­­– Over the past week, the Catholic Church came to the startling realization that the code

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  • POTUS Changes Holiday Name To “Trump-MLK Day”
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  • USC Dutch Bros Does Not Pass Bechdel Test

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Trump Cites Crazy Rich Asians as Evidence that China is Winning the Trade War

October 1, 2018 Melanie Hoffmann No Comment

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