Local Man Mows Lawn Like He Doesn’t Have a Second Family

by Amanda Douglas

SONOMA, CA – On Thursday morning, Sonoma residents found Greg Geffen once again mowing his lawn like he doesn’t have a second family.

Once a week, Geffen wakes with the rising sun, throws on his Coldplay t-shirt, and starts trimming the front yard to the tune of “Fix You” put on loop. Geffen explained, “It’s nice to get the metabolism moving before Nancy makes my eggs.” Nancy is his first wife.

Next-door neighbor Linda Erman has come to expect the weekly roar of Geffen’s Friskar 18-inch Reel Mower with mulching capabilities. “Sure, it wakes up our whole block, but I admire his consistency,” Erman commented, taking a sip of coffee. “It’s almost like he’d tie the knot with just one woman and really stand by her.”

Sonoma resident Nick Better has noticed Geffen on his commute to work. “I really appreciate his commitment to get every part of the yard,” Better said. “I imagine he wouldn’t bail on his daughter’s soccer game to attend a high school rendition of Footloose where the mayor is played by a boy who shares his nose and eyes, but not the same mother as the daughter who plays soccer.”

Local triathlete Benjamin Woods likes to take his water breaks outside the Geffen household. “The way that Greg engages his glutes and really just grips that handle shows that he knows what he’s doing,” Woods explained, mid-squat. “I mean, someone who cares so much about such a minor task, it’s almost like he could maintain a decades-long lie of raising two separate families in the same county.”

Sometimes Nancy will check on her husband while he’s mowing the lawn, almost like she isn’t running a multi-millionaire dollar Ponzi scheme.