10 Year Old’s iPad Covered in Cheeto Dust
[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]by Cameron Wen After a week-long search for local 10-year-old Jeremy Gersh’s iPad, it has been discovered wedged between two
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Year: 2018
Grocery Bagger Shamefully Returns to Double Life as Actor on Shitty Sitcom
[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]by Keith Herrmann BURBANK, CA – Tim Brewer, 34, embarrassedly clocked out of his well-paying gig as a grocery bagger
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Scientists Still Unable to Discover Normal Reason Why Straight Dude Would Want to Become Gynecologist
[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]By Veronica Marks PALO ALTO, CA – Despite several years of research, lab work, and brainstorming sessions, the effort led
Read moreBicycle Cop Races Through Village in Hot Pursuit of Dignity
[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]by Amanda Douglas USC VILLAGE – Bicycle cops roam the Village at all times, keeping their eyes peeled for reckless
Read moreBoard of Trustees Replaces Interim President with New Starbucks
[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]by Joey Rayburn USC – After a grueling search to permanently fill the vacant position of President after the resignation
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Summer Fling Ends With a Whimper, Not a Bang
[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]by Joey Rayburn CASCO, MAINE – Love was in the air this summer at Camp Manitoba, where for eight weeks
Read moreWow! The Sack of Troy Writing Staff Got Really Hot Over the Summer!
[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]by Cameron Wen Formerly a pale bunch of malnourished nerds, the Sack of Troy writing staff has returned from summer
Read moreSoundCloud Rapper From High School Dropping References To Hometown Like It’s Hot Sh*t
[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]by Rachel Zubli Publicizing on Snapchat that this will be his “big break,” a small-time SoundCloud rapper from your area
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Report: EVKitty Now Bullying Transfer Students for Swipes
[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]by Dan Toomey With a shocking change of character, the once-cuddly, beloved EVKitty is now intimidating transfer students for meal
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