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Author: Keith Herrmann

Local 

Company Gives Prospective Intern Choice to Absolutely Fucking Humiliate Himself on Phone or In Person

March 5, 2020July 23, 2020 Keith Herrmann 1351 Views
by Keith Herrmann LOS ANGELES, CA – Telling the student to “pick his poison,” a local company offered a prospective Read more
Columns Politics Strong Feelings 

OPINION: Why’d We Have to Learn Sex Ed If We’d Never Have to Use That Stuff in the Real World?

November 8, 2019July 23, 2020 Keith Herrmann 1762 Views
by Keith Herrmann Cursive. Civil War generals. Sexual intercourse. What do these things have in common? The government made sure Read more
Local Politics 

Tall Guy Could Be Taller

November 7, 2019July 23, 2020 Keith Herrmann 1971 Views
by Keith Herrmann LOS ANGELES, CA – Local tall man Jacob Marzaroli could stand to be a few inches taller, Read more
College USC 

USC Launches New Resources to Help Suicidal Students Return Textbooks First

January 31, 2019July 23, 2020 Keith Herrmann 2360 Views
by Keith Herrmann UNIVERSITY PARK CAMPUS – Following concerns from various student mental health advocacy groups, the University of Southern Read more
Local 

Baby Jesus Sees Shadow, Won’t Be Crucified for Another Four Months

December 25, 2018July 23, 2020 Keith Herrmann 2491 Views
by Keith Herrmann BETHLEHEM– For the third year in a row, the newborn Jesus Christ has seen his shadow and Read more
College 

Student Not Here to Make Friends, Have Fun, Get Sleep, Graduate

November 5, 2018July 23, 2020 Keith Herrmann 1524 Views
by Keith Herrmann Viterbi freshman Sydney Eriksson announced that she did not come to USC to make friends, nor have Read more
College USC 

SCA’s George Lucas Building to be Renamed in Light of Allegations That He Sucks

September 27, 2018July 23, 2020 Keith Herrmann 5107 Views
by Keith Herrmann SCA – USC’s School of Cinematic Arts has moved forward with plans to remove George Lucas’s name Read more
Local 

Mars Rover Told There Would Be Other Rovers When It Got There

September 21, 2018July 23, 2020 Keith Herrmann 2584 Views
by Keith Herrmann MARS – A lonesome NASA rover sent to collect evidence of ancient life on Mars was falsely informed that Read more
Local 

Grocery Bagger Shamefully Returns to Double Life as Actor on Shitty Sitcom

September 7, 2018July 23, 2020 Keith Herrmann 3870 Views
by Keith Herrmann BURBANK, CA – Tim Brewer, 34, embarrassedly clocked out of his well-paying gig as a grocery bagger Read more

Recent Posts

  • Writer’s Strike Catches Up With Succession Finale As Logan Returns And Lays Waste To Westeros
  • Midwesterner Identifies as Californian After Two Semesters
  • Local Guy Best Friend Continues the Search for His Hug After a Year and a Half
  • Chili’s “Cinco De Mayo” Special Just 5 Bowls of Mayonnaise
  • Construction for USC Infinite Youth Fountain to be Finished Whatever Year You Graduate

Article Roulette

Woman Sips Vodka-Sodas Like She Won’t Be Vag Deep in Cheesy Gordita Crunch Within Hour

Woman Sips Vodka-Sodas Like She Won’t Be Vag Deep in Cheesy Gordita Crunch Within Hour

April 4, 2018 Kim Rogers No Comment

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