“Why Can’t They Just Protest Peacefully?” Complains Darth Vader
[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]By Drew Thomas-Nathan A GALAXY FAR, FAR AWAY — Recent violent scuffles with the Rebel Alliance led Dark Lord of
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Funny Zoom Background Last Vestige of Abandoned Personality
[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]By Jonathan Krone CLEARWATER, MI — Top archaeologists confirmed yesterday that a humorous background on Zoom was the last remaining
Read moreJCPenney Now Only JC After Filing For Bankruptcy
[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]By Drew Thomas-Nathan PLANO, TX — On top of filing for bankruptcy and closing 242 stores, department store JCPenney announced
Read moreSeven-Year-Old Playing Doctor Put to Work in COVID-19 Unit
[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]by Melanie Hoffmann ONTARIO, CA — Medical school students across the country have been graduating early to help fight the
Read moreNew Netflix Dating Show Literally Just Locking Two Horses in a Barn and Swallowing the Key
[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]By Drew Thomas-Nathan LOS GATOS, CA — Have you already binged Too Hot to Handle and Love Is Blind? Want
Read moreWhite House Panics After Grimes and Elon Musk Name their Baby the Nuclear Launch Codes
[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]By Melanie Hoffmann WASHINGTON, DC — When Tesla CEO Elon Musk and musical artist Claire Boucher (“Grimes”) announced the name
Read moreCDC Recommends Everyone Wear Spider-Man Mask to Distract the Coronavirus and Let the Real Spider-Man Escape
[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]By Drew Thomas-Nathan QUEENS, NY — The Center for Disease Control and Prevention put out new guidelines Thursday morning urging
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“Hey, This is Kinda Neat,” Reports Local Man After Washing His Hands for the First Time
[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]by Jonathan Krone Dayton, OH — After widespread fear surrounding the recent outbreak of coronavirus, local man Dennis Whitman finally
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Whole World Pivots to Video
[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]By Drew Thomas-Nathan EARTH — The entire world economy has finally pivoted to video content, your own eyes and ears confirmed
Read more“America’s Got Talent” Cancelled Because We Don’t
[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]by Staff LOS ANGELES — The hearts of bored mothers everywhere were broken on Monday when NBC announced startling news: the
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