Seven-Year-Old Playing Doctor Put to Work in COVID-19 Unit

by Melanie Hoffmann

ONTARIO, CA — Medical school students across the country have been graduating early to help fight the pandemic in our nation’s hospitals. However, the dwindling pool of medical professionals has caused some hospitals to hire even younger doctors-in-training. Last week, local seven-and-a-half year-old BIlly Norris was put to work in the Ontario General COVID-19 unit after playing a very convincing pretend game of doctor with his babysitter.

Now, Norris spends his days walking the halls with his Fisher Price stethoscope and talking to families who can’t be with their loved ones just a few doors away.

Speaking through his favorite pair of walkie talkies, Norris exclaimed, “I get to put on a costume every day and play with the ventilator toys!” When asked about the hardships of his new job, Norris said, “Sometimes the patients fall asleep and won’t play with me anymore.”

Hospital administrator Claire Gifford supports the controversial decision to hire Norris. “His body is little, so he needs less PPE!” she said in a Zoom interview. “It’s economical, really.” When asked about child labor laws, Gifford pretended to freeze mid-sentence even though she was still blinking.