901 and 2-9 Merge to Form 9-3-0 with Consultation from Dornsife Math Department
by Axel Hellman Two of the most popular bars in the USC, the 2-9 Bar and Grill, at the corner
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Adminstration Begins Inquiry Into Contents of Ground Zero Milkshakes
by Avery Regen USC administration launched an investigation yesterday into the contents of Ground Zero Performance Cafe’s famous milkshakes. “We
Read moreUSC Becomes First School to Schedule “Rain Days”
by Morgan Greenwald After seemingly endless torrential downpours, with students trekking though our muddied Southern California campus, USC has begun
Read moreUSC Partier Has Existential Crisis, Decides to Ignore It
by Andy Gause Sam Friedman, a junior in the music school majoring in bell, and a member of Delta Tau
Read moreGladiatorial Games to be Held at Coliseum
by Axel Hellman Next Saturday, slaves that USC captured during the Trojan War will be made to fight to the
Read moreUSC Purchases Land South of Campus, Probably Sketchy, Don’t Go There. Do You Want to Get Shot???
by Axel Hellman In a recently approved deal, USC purchased several pieces or real estate south of campus, which, according
Read moreFaculty Member Moves to Introduce “Kiff” to Dictionary
by Matt Kalina Following the defeat of the USC football team by the Washington State Institute for Prospective Nuns (the
Read moreIn Emotional Press Conference, Pat Haden Admits Lane Kiffin was an Elaborate Hoax
by Ryan Lee At a small press conference on Sunday afternoon, USC Athletic Director Pat Haden admitted that he and
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