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Author: Axel Hellman

College 

Underpaid Chemistry Lecturers Vote to Un-Ionize

February 3, 2016June 19, 2020 Axel Hellman 2766 Views articles
by Axel Hellman USC -- In a landmark decision, part-time lecturers, adjuncts, and other non-tenure staff at the Dornsife School Read more
College 

Total Nerd Actually Studies for Final

December 9, 2015June 19, 2020 Axel Hellman 3319 Views articles

by Axel Hellman, Cameron Gavinski, and Jack Hackett USC–This morning a complete nerd sat down to begin studying for his

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College 

Triumphant Freshman Adds Another Empty Alcohol Bottle to Windowsill

December 4, 2015June 19, 2020 Axel Hellman 2668 Views articles

by Axel Hellman and Mark Lee NEW NORTH–Matt Kogger, a freshman drinking virtuoso, emptied the last drop of Jack Daniels

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College USC 

To Cut Water Use, USC Promises to Install New Drought-Tolerant Plants Every Three Weeks

November 9, 2015June 19, 2020 Axel Hellman 2201 Views articles

by Axel Hellman USC–As the state has dried up, USC has faced increasing criticism from environmental activists for its lush

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College News in Brief 

Lyon Center Expansion Completed

September 23, 2015June 17, 2020 Axel Hellman 2339 Views

by Axel Hellman Responding to student concerns about overcrowding at the Lyon Center, the University Office of Student Affairs has

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Local 

Salmon-Shorted Bros Swim Hundreds of Miles Upstream, Spawn

August 27, 2015November 27, 2015 Axel Hellman 4768 Views 0 Comment articles, featured

by Axel Hellman During the fall and spring semesters, they congregate in their fraternity houses on the row, and hold

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College USC 

USC to Sell Luxury Car, Yacht Parking on Trousdale

August 25, 2015January 23, 2021 Axel Hellman 2235 Views articles

by Mark Lee and Axel Hellman USC–As part of the university’s $6 billion capital fundraising campaign, President Max C. L.

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College USC 

Senior Sorority Sister Discovers Ralph’s after Almost 4 Years of Living at USC

April 27, 2015January 23, 2021 Axel Hellman 2689 Views articles

by Mark Lee and Axel Hellman Photoshop by Jack Hackett Senior Kenzie Bovard was walking north along Vermont Ave on

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College 

University Urges American Students to Adopt Easy-to-Remember Chinese Nicknames

March 30, 2015January 23, 2021 Axel Hellman 2482 Views articles

by Axel (Nánxìng mèilì – 男性魅力 – “attractive male”) Hellman and Jack (Guànjūn – 冠军 – “champ”) Hackett SCHOOL — USC prides

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College USC 

EVKitty Stages Own Death for Insurance Money

December 6, 2014June 19, 2020 Axel Hellman 2832 Views articles

by Axel Hellman Students last week were aghast to hear news that USC’s beloved mascot EVKitty had been run over

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Recent Posts

  • Inside Out 2 Reveals Newest Emotion: Slow-Creeping Existential Dread
  • Future Salary Directly Correlated With How Often You Post on LinkedIn
  • Divorced Father Wins Children’s Presence at Thanksgiving With Promises of Underage Drinking
  • Trojan Knights Chest Paint Accidentally Spells Out The Name of The Forbidden One, Summoning His Wretchedness from the Depths
  • Cheer Heard After Leaving Party Was About You

Article Roulette

Opinion: They Wouldn’t Be Small Businesses If They Worked Harder

Opinion: They Wouldn’t Be Small Businesses If They Worked Harder

February 27, 2023 Joshua Wolk No Comment

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