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College USC 

DPS Shuts Down Pathetic, Dry Party Out of Pity

February 24, 2017June 19, 2020 Chad Lonski

[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]by Chad Lonski USC — After receiving reports of a disorderly party Friday night at Parkside Apartments, the Department of

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College USC 

Student Caught in Rain Uses Spring Admit as Umbrella

February 7, 2017June 19, 2020 Quinton Buxton

[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]by Quinton Buxton USC — As the recent rain continues to shock and upset Angelenos with its presence, many students

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College USC 

Student Reconsiders Being Sick After USC Health Center Insists, “I’m Sure You’re Fine”

January 31, 2017June 19, 2020 Quinton Buxton

[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]by Quinton Buxton USC — With maladies maliciously spreading across campus, many students turn to the always reliable beacon of

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College USC 

USC Offers Alternative to Tuition Hikes by Sacrificing First Born Son

January 11, 2017June 19, 2020 Sara Linden

[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]by Sara Swearingen USC — After numerous student protests against tuition hikes, President C. L. Max Nikias graciously agreed to

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College USC 

Spring Admit Orientation Just Pile of Flyers and Open Bag of Oreos

January 9, 2017June 19, 2020 Jack Hackett

[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]by Jack Hackett USC — On Monday The Dornsife College of Arts, Letters, and Sciences, graciously welcomed the incoming 2017

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College USC 

Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse Raid Campus, DPS: “Suspicious Activity. Stay Away from Area”

December 7, 2016June 19, 2020 Jack Hackett

[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]by Jack Hackett USC — Early Wednesday morning, the skies opened up, releasing the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse unto

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College USC 

Rampant Stomach Virus Goes Undetected in New North Because Barfing All Night Is Normal There

November 8, 2016June 19, 2020 Matt Hanisch

[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]by Matt Hanisch USC — The norovirus, which has infected 103 students since October 26, causes vomiting, nausea, and diarrhea

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College USC 

Couple Living at Parkside and New North Break Up Over Long Distance Relationship

October 27, 2016June 19, 2020 Thomas Marshall

[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]by Thomas Marshall USC — Freshmen Bea Tran and Dan Algeri began dating shortly after orientation. Algeri lived in New

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College USC 

Student Has Life Threatening Allergic Reaction, Engemann: “Sorry It’s After 5, Tomorrow?”

October 24, 2016June 19, 2020 Staff

[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]by Gabriella Tranchina ENGEMANN HEALTH CENTER — At 5:15PM on Monday, Sophomore Clara Rivers was munching on some Lucky Charms

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College USC 

Marshall Students Required to Take Empathy Class

October 12, 2016June 19, 2020 Chai Karve

[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]by Chai Karve LOS ANGELES, CA — USC’s esteemed Marshall School of Business has decided to add an empathy class.

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Recent Posts

  • POTUS Changes Holiday Name To “Trump-MLK Day”
  • Millie Bobby Brown Adopts Fellow Child Actors
  • Business Bro Confused By New MLM Show
  • Petroleo the Oil Wizard Seen Whispering to Trump During Press Conference 
  • USC Dutch Bros Does Not Pass Bechdel Test

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After Yesterday’s Confrontation, Nikias Replaces Hospitality Workers With USG Members

January 29, 2015 Jori Barash No Comment

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