Insufferable Douche Worth Being Friends With Because He’ll Be Rich Later
by Chai Karve MARSHALL SCHOOL OF BUSINESS -- Local douche Elliot Tufts greeted his friends in the lobby of Fertitta Read more
Author: Chai Karve
Suspicious Nikias Smells Rat In Board of Trustees
by Chai Karve USC -- C.L. Max Nikias burst into the wood-paneled room where USC’s governing body, the Board of Read more
Parents Who Say “Do Whatever Makes You Happy” Rich Enough to Mean It
by Chai Karve REDONDO BEACH, CA -- Lindsay Stauffer’s parents, known to many as Mr. and Mrs. Stauffer, are always Read more
Aw Sh*t, We’re All Dancing In a Circle Again
by Chai Karve MONTVILLE HILTON BALLROOM -- Last weekend, at Ajay Patel and Meghan Linder’s wedding, it happened again. As Read more
Slutty Cat Dresses Up as Respectable, Educated Woman for Halloween
by Chai Karve MENLO - Trailblazer, feminist, and feline. These are words that come to mind when describing Felicity, local Read more
National Weather Service Officially Declares It’s “Hot As Balls”
by Chai Karve LOS ANGELES, CA -- After extensive study, meteorological investigation, and intense debate, the National Weather Service has Read more
Sound of Own Voice Still Delightful Reports Guy In Discussion
by Chai Karve TAPER HALL -- During a Friday morning discussion for Introduction to Feminist Theory, junior Russ McReynolds reported Read more
Accident Baby Not Even Cute
by Chai Karve CEDARS SINAI HOSPITAL -- In the delivery ward of a top-flight local hospital, Liz Collins held her Read more
Nikias on Tuition Hike: “It’s Nothing Personal, It’s Just Business”
by Chai Karve USC -- University President C.L. Max Nikias shrugged his shoulders in defense and put down his thick Read more
Girl’s Boyfriend Like, The Funniest Guy Ever
by Chai Karve USC -- We at the Sack of Troy have received word that local junior Jane Lazuli’s boyfriend Read more