College Freshman Still in Summer Lifeguard Mode
[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]by Elise Vondra PARDEE TOWER – Freshman Jeremy Gladen wakes up every morning with a purpose- to ensure the safety
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Mediocre Piano Music at RTCC is Greater Constant in Girl’s Life Than Father
[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]by Eloise Rollins-Fife RONALD TUTOR CAMPUS CENTER — Whether it be Mozart attempted by an aspiring Thornton student, Chopsticks banged
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Students Hold Séance to Contact Café 84 and Ground Zero
[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]by Matt Hanisch USC Campus – On Thursday night, a group of students gathered to use other-worldly means to contact
Read moreNikias Emerges From Cocoon of Duct Tape Following Conclusion of UCLA Rivalry Week
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The Sack Totally Roasts UCLA!
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Dean Daley “Monitoring” the Bryan Singer Situation Like Freshman “Monitoring” his GPA
[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]by Matt Hanisch USC – Elizabeth Daley, dean of USC’s School of Cinematic Arts, responded to a petition to change
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This Paper Will Practically Write Itself Once I Get the Dweeb In Front of Me to Write It
[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]by Jack Hackett TAPER HALL – Today my professor handed out our midterm essay assignment. I scanned over the paper’s
Read moreNikias Slides Blank Check to Wealthy Alum and Asks Them To “Make Me an Offer I Can’t Refuse”
[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]by Joey Rayburn PASADENA, CA – Last night, President Nikias scored another substantial donation from an alum. This time, he
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Medieval Peasant Feels Out of Place in USC Village
[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]by Jose Cardenas LOS ANGELES, CA — Merek Rolfepayne the Third said he felt out of place in USC Village,
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Freshman Unable to Rush Calls Himself “Gay Little Girl” in the Mirror Every Night to Imagine What Might Have Been
[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]by Veronica Marks LOS ANGELES, CA – The University of Southern California decided to defer fraternity rush, effectively stopping new
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