- Every Week is Sweeps Week for NBC Janitor
- Nikias Emerges From Cocoon of Duct Tape Following Conclusion of UCLA Rivalry Week
Breaking News:
- Breaking: Dulce Barista Doesn’t Really Like Your Outfit, Just Whoring Himself Out For That Tip
- Sack of Troy’s Picks For George Santos’ Replacement
- Forensic Scientists Open Investigation Into Whether Two Mutuals Are Still Dating
- Inside Out 2 Reveals Newest Emotion: Slow-Creeping Existential Dread
- Future Salary Directly Correlated With How Often You Post on LinkedIn
The Sack of Troy
USC's Second Best Parody Newspaper
