Flailing Alumni Account Forced to Post Derrick

By Margaret Danenhauer 

THE GEORGE LUCAS  DERRICK BUILDING – After realizing that all SCA grads are chopped and also unc, the gay intern for the school’s social media was left with no choice but to post Derrick.

“Look, we aren’t happy about it either,” said social media manager Gayle Butcher. “But statistically, 98% of our grads are living on their mom’s couch in Ohio or going back to night school for accounting. Derrick happened to be visiting family in Utah the week of Sundance, and that’s almost a big deal.”

Derrick himself was astounded. “Isn’t Sundance in Colorado now? Whatever, I’ll take it.”

“The future of the alumni account is bleak,” says Butcher. “Unless someone like you blows up a whole awful lot, we’re going to have no choice but to post Laura Bialis, we’re not.”