Happy Halloween! The only thing spookier than ghosts, never finding love and the innate morality of human existence is a Halloween without a costume! For all you lovely couples out there we’ve brainstormed some beautiful inspiration for you all.
1. You and the Indomitable Human Spirit
Costumes often involve changing yourself for others’ attention or giving up on the fun altogether. Instead, remind yourself of your conformity to insecurities with this cutesy classic! All you need to do is dress as your true self for the first time in years. And it’s always a cheap buy to have your significant other embody the inner light of ineffable, boundless potential within (specifically) you!
2. Yung Gravy and Your Mom
If you and your partner want to show how much you truly love each other, your only option is to dress as the most popular Aryan rapper in the game and his newest infatuation, your mother Debbie. Because nothing quite says love like a six and a half foot tall blonde lanky guy with the chinstrap beard of an Amish teenager and a fifty-something divorced real estate agent who thinks she’s having her midlife crisis as an empty nester, even though everybody else knows it’s about 10-20 years past midlife for her. Plus, you can make gravy related puns all night!
3. Congressional Candidate and Pornstar
Whether your relationship or your election is getting boring, nothing spices it up like a good ol’ sex tape. Ever since New York congressional candidate Mike Itkis posted “Bucket List Bonanza,” everybody’s been inspired to better their communities … by having sex online for all your friends to see! Just think how hot she’ll look! And think how average he’ll look! This costume perfectly encapsulates the American dream.
4. USC Student and Famous Parent
If you’re going as the parent, dress up as the 90s sitcom MILF or DILF of your choice. For the student cosplay, make sure to wear items from the latest Heaven by Marc Jacobs drop along with your Koss Porta Pro headphones that leak Car Seat Headrest (just go to SCA and observe everyone’s outfits for costume inspiration). Make sure to complain how the term ‘nepotism baby’ is a slur all Halloweekend long!
5.. My Parents If They Got Back Together
If you and your partner are looking to rekindle your romance this Halloween, try dressing up as my parents before the start of their long, painful divorce! Make sure to wear the stunning Tiffany’s ring that my dad bought my mom before they started hating each other’s guts and she threw it at his face. Bonus points if you both are truly are in love and will never split up–ever. (For the sake of your children)
6. For the Throuples: Smallpox, Chickenpox, and Monkeypox
This costume idea is a sure way to get your trio hot and heavy like a week old rash. A body horror classic, these terrors are a shoe-in to make partygoers shriek, vomit, and avoid you at all costs. Give your friends a sickening fright by reminding of them of the very deadly diseases that have terrorized each generation of humanity.
7. William Henry Harrison and an Overcoat
If your partner has been icy towards you leading up to Halloweekend, this is the perfect costume for you. Grab your most stoic facial expression while your partner dons their heaviest overcoat. Then, in true homage to the ninth President of the United States, avoid one another for the entire night until William Henry Harrison freezes to death. It’s guaranteed to ensure a fun couple’s activity! Plus, it’s a traumatic experience to exploit for content.
8. The Girl I Like and The Guy That Goes To A Different School But I Wouldn’t Know Him
If you and your partner are in a loving relationship that may or may not exist, then look no further! Especially if you have stunning ice blue eyes that make me freeze and feel warm all at once, and strawberry blonde locks that glow when the light hits them just right. Make sure your partner just so happens to need a ride from the airport everytime I ask you out to Dulce, not as a date, just as friends, you know? And he should go to UToronto and you said he was majoring in business but now says he’s majoring in engineering? And like, maybe he switched majors or maybe he just doesn’t exist? And if he doesn’t exist then maybe I should just take that as a sign that you aren’t interested but also isn’t it fair to expect you to be honest with me? Sharon, you would be honest with me, right?
9. Jim Jones and the Kool Aid Man
Do you have an anxious attachment style? Do you want your partner to worship you this Halloween? If so, dress up as infamous cult leader Jim Jones. Once you get those aviators and sideburns on, they’ll give you everything––including their house, freedom, and life! For added effect, be sure to practice a few prophetic lines and carry a plane ticket to Guyana as a prop. Add a pop of color to the costume by having your SO go as a sexy Kool Aid Man. Party away, and drink up like there’s no tomorrow!
Colorized portrait of William Henry Harrison By Samuele Wikipediano 1348, CC BY-SA 4.0, via Wikimedia Commons
Glanz-Zylinder By Wuselig, CC BY-SA 4.0, via Wikimedia Commons
Screen Capture from Mike Itkis Campaign’s Sex Tape
Nancy Wong, CC BY-SA 3.0, via Wikimedia Commons