“I’m So Poor” Complains Girl Who Just Spent $6 on a Sprinkles Cupcake
[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]by Mimi Evans USC — Sophomore Rayleigh Magda stood outside the Bookstore Monday evening with her friend, Amy Green. Magda
Read more
College
Sororities Employ Barcode Tattoos to Tell Attractive, Blonde Sisters Apart
[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]by Lillian Tsao LOS ANGELES, CA—For decades, the sorority has been a haven for attractive blonde females, but distinguishing each
Read more
Last Non-Mac Computer on Campus to Be Put Down This Week
[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]by Christine Politte LOS ANGELES, CA — After years of being surrounded by generations of sleeker, thinner Macs with better
Read more
Student Brushes Teeth as Long as Person at Neighboring Sink to Not Seem Gross
[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]by Ryan Zubery | photo by Liam Maddox BIRNKRANT — Friday morning, freshman Marcus Reynolds entered the bathroom and began
Read more
Guy In Feminism GE “Gets It”
[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]by Chai Karve | photo by Tarek Roshdy USC — Sophomore Jimmy Metza begrudingly enrolled in a feminism class this fall
Read more
Student Hesitant to Draw Conclusions About Thumping Noises Coming From Wall
[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]by Cameron Wen USC – A variety of sights, scents, and sounds can be found at any given time in
Read more
New Finger Fountain to Be Pointed at Financial Aid Office
[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]by Quinton Buxton USC — In light of prominent renovations at the school’s entrance, USC has officially announced that the
Read more
Student’s Shitty Fake ID More Believable Than Résumé
[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]by Jack Hackett and Kim Rogers USC — In order to prepare for career fair, junior Matt Stevenson hastily typed
Read more
Frat Wonders If Enough Time Has Passed To Throw 9/11 Themed Party
According to ΣΩT president Robert Meyer, the party could easily be “lit” and the Sunday evening event would “blow up” the row, puns intended, unless it’s still too soon.
Read more
Roommate More Than Happy to Screw Up Sound for Your Movie
“I’ve never done sound before, but I’ll take a crack at recording unsalvageable audio,” responded Samson.
Read more