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Traveler’s Early Retirement Followed by Suspicious Meat in the Parkside Dining Hall

March 25, 2024March 24, 2024 Dean Woods

By Dean Woods LOS ANGELES, CA – Following a typical Saturday evening at the Coliseum, packed with sweaty football fans,

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USC 

To Ensure Attention, USC Classrooms Will Now Feature TVs Playing Cropped Footage of Subway Surfers

February 13, 2024February 11, 2024 Bill Rockas

By Bill Rockas LOS ANGELES, CA – In an effort to maintain student attention, USC will play cropped footage of

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USC 

Finals Week Theater Major Discovers Mysterious Campus Building Labelled “LIBRARY”

December 11, 2023December 11, 2023 Finn Rollings

By Finn Rollings LOS ANGELES, CA – A USC School of Dramatic Arts major has made archeological history this finals

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USC 

New North Roommates Fight to Death Over Whether or Not to Have a Polaroid Wall

October 16, 2023October 9, 2023 Lily McLaughlin

By Lily McLaughlin LOS ANGELES, CA – Last week, two female New North residents created complete chaos over their month-long

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USC 

USC Defensive Coordinator Revealed To Be A “Welcome” Doormat

October 14, 2023October 14, 2023 Bill Rockas

By Bill Rockas LOS ANGELES, CA – USC football fans are shocked after the reveal that defensive coordinator Alex Grinch

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USC 

Econ Major Explains Opportunity Cost of Not Dating Him

October 11, 2023October 5, 2023 Bill Rockas

By Bill Rockas AUSTIN, TX –   After multiple rejections, Economics major Carl Smattford has resorted to explaining the quantifiable

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USC 

USC Carrot Shot and Killed

October 10, 2023October 3, 2023 Lily McLaughlin

By Lily McLaughlin LOS ANGELES, CA – This past week, the USC carrot mascot was mercilessly shot and killed outside

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USC 

Student Nominated for Academy Award for Role in “Alcohol? What’s That?” 

October 8, 2023October 8, 2023 Phineas Kelly

By Phineas Kelly LOS ANGELES, CA – On Saturday, the Academy of Motion Pictures announced that USC Sophomore Jacob Stall

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USC 

USC to Change Tuition Policy to “Girls Free, Guys $90,000”

September 15, 2023September 14, 2023 Audrey Serrano

By Audrey Serrano LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA — In an effort to harbor financial aid requests and utilize policies students are

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USC 

“Oh Wow, You Have a Tech Startup in Palo Alto? That’s Sooooo Cool” And Other Useful Phrases to Get Laid This Weekend

September 9, 2023August 25, 2024 Lili

By Lili Caption: There’s just something about guys who wear the skinny jean/running shoes combo (heart eyes emoji that I

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Recent Posts

  • OASIS Converted To DESERT
  • Performative Fall Grad Walking In Spring To Feel Included
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“Sassy Man” Friend Just A Really Dickish Straight Guy

“Sassy Man” Friend Just A Really Dickish Straight Guy

November 20, 2024 Megan Dang No Comment

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