New North Roommates Fight to Death Over Whether or Not to Have a Polaroid Wall
By Lily McLaughlin
LOS ANGELES, CA – Last week, two female New North residents created complete chaos over their month-long argument on whether or not to put up one of those cutesy Pinterest polaroid walls.
Freshmen Payten Miller and Kiersten Smith met over Instagram. “I told her that I also love indie music like “Harry’s House” by Harry Styles so naturally I assumed we were roomie soulmates,” said Miller. “I knew we’d fit together nicely since we both love going out, but are always down for a chill night in.”
Although the two started on good terms through Instagram DMs, Smith said it became clear during their time as roommates that the two didn’t mesh well. “She thought a Polaroid wall was too basic. I mean, are you kidding me? I’m not the one rushing Kappa Kappa Gamma,” said Smith while adjusting her baby blue Brandy Melville Gina top.
Miller made sure to make it clear that no Polaroids would step foot in their tiny dorm by breaking all the Fujifilm Instax Minis on Smith’s side of the room. “I mean, she had a lime green one AND an ice blue one,” said Miller, who had her childhood bedroom walls painted teal. Although not an SCA major, Smith is a self-proclaimed “film fanatic” as boasted by her “paytenn_digital” Instagram account that she runs, making this an even harder loss.
On the day of the actual brawl, the two used their words instead of their fists. The word “girlie” was spoken a record 56 times in their 15 minute fight, Barstool USC records indicate.
“All I wanted was for us to take a picture of all the collective Polaroids and post it in my end of semester dump,” said Smith. “Now I just have a broken wrist and a post on Barstool.”The crowd around Smith was cheering, with everyone capturing her victory only using the Dispo Retro Disposable Camera app. Miller left the fight crying. She yelled through her tears that she was being gaslit, and yelled even more when someone asked her to define what that word means.
Smith has already started putting up her Polaroids, which are already complementing a $90 Urban Outfitters tapestry and plastic vines bought in bulk from Amazon. “I’m just so happy I get to showcase all of my friends,” she said. There are currently three photos on the wall; one of the Doheny Library ceiling, one of Smith herself, and one of a girl down the hall who she is no longer on speaking terms with. This is going to be a pretty good Instagram dump.