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USC Squirrel Held At Gunpoint By DPS For Trying To Enter Campus At Royal Street Entrance

April 29, 2024April 29, 2024 Noelle Medina

By Noelle Medina LOS ANGELES, CA – In light of the limited access to campus instated on April 23, 2024,

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USC 

Students Asked Not To Imagine Commencement As It Could Incite Violence

April 26, 2024April 26, 2024 Staff

By Staff LOS ANGELES, CA – With commencement now canceled, USC has asked that students stop engaging in imagining what

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USC 

USC’s DPS Zone Will Now Be Called Gotham City

April 22, 2024April 22, 2024 Dean Woods

By Dean Woods LOS ANGELES  GOTHAM CITY, CA – Over the weekend, USC’s Department of Public Safety announced some upcoming

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USC 

USC Career Fair Offering Internships to Winner of Mud Wrestling Bracket 

April 15, 2024April 14, 2024 Phineas Kelly

By Phineas Kelly LOS ANGELES, CA – In an exciting twist for upcoming graduates, USC announced that all open internship

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USC 

Traveler’s Early Retirement Followed by Suspicious Meat in the Parkside Dining Hall

March 25, 2024March 24, 2024 Dean Woods

By Dean Woods LOS ANGELES, CA – Following a typical Saturday evening at the Coliseum, packed with sweaty football fans,

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USC 

To Ensure Attention, USC Classrooms Will Now Feature TVs Playing Cropped Footage of Subway Surfers

February 13, 2024February 11, 2024 Bill Rockas

By Bill Rockas LOS ANGELES, CA – In an effort to maintain student attention, USC will play cropped footage of

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USC 

Finals Week Theater Major Discovers Mysterious Campus Building Labelled “LIBRARY”

December 11, 2023December 11, 2023 Finn Rollings

By Finn Rollings LOS ANGELES, CA – A USC School of Dramatic Arts major has made archeological history this finals

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USC 

New North Roommates Fight to Death Over Whether or Not to Have a Polaroid Wall

October 16, 2023October 9, 2023 Lily McLaughlin

By Lily McLaughlin LOS ANGELES, CA – Last week, two female New North residents created complete chaos over their month-long

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USC 

USC Defensive Coordinator Revealed To Be A “Welcome” Doormat

October 14, 2023October 14, 2023 Bill Rockas

By Bill Rockas LOS ANGELES, CA – USC football fans are shocked after the reveal that defensive coordinator Alex Grinch

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USC 

Econ Major Explains Opportunity Cost of Not Dating Him

October 11, 2023October 5, 2023 Bill Rockas

By Bill Rockas AUSTIN, TX –   After multiple rejections, Economics major Carl Smattford has resorted to explaining the quantifiable

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  • POTUS Changes Holiday Name To “Trump-MLK Day”
  • Millie Bobby Brown Adopts Fellow Child Actors
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  • USC Dutch Bros Does Not Pass Bechdel Test

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