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World

World 

CEO Of Racism Steps Down Amid Rumors Of Tolerant Remarks

January 18, 2021April 7, 2021 Staff

By Staff MONTGOMERY, ALABAMA – Following several weeks of rumors and allegations that he’s been “getting soft” and fails to

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World 

Measles, Polio Assure Sobbing COVID-19 That a Vaccine Doesn’t Mean Extinction

January 12, 2021January 10, 2021 Drew Thomas-Nathan

By Drew Thomas-Nathan WESTWOOD, CA — A vaccine for COVID-19 is finally here and just starting to be distributed. Sensing

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World 

Santa’s Elves Classified As Independent Contractors For Tax Reasons

December 24, 2020February 6, 2021 Adam Sanderson

By Adam Sanderson NORTH POLE – On December 25th, a new law allowing Santa-Co. LLC to refuse employee benefits from

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World 

Pfizer Confirms Vaccine Just Vial of the True Spirit of Christmas

December 23, 2020January 23, 2021 Melanie Hoffmann

By Melanie Hoffmann NEW YORK, NY – In a bombshell news conference, Pfizer spokesperson Malia Wexler confirmed that their coronavirus

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World 

Vaccine to Be Made Available to The Most Fuckable People First

December 14, 2020January 21, 2021 Maggie Bowen

By Maggie Bowen DETROIT, MI  – As Moderna and Pfzier rush to ship out their vaccines, the CDC laid out

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Attention Vortex Entertainment World 

Quiz: Which “Dreidel, Dreidel, Dreidel” Lyric Describes Your Sex Life?

December 10, 2020January 21, 2021 Drew Thomas-Nathan

By Drew Thomas-Nathan The Sack of Troy’s most brilliant and dedicated in-house sociologists have discovered that every human being’s sex

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World 

FDA Fast Tracks Covid Vaccine After Learning Coronavirus Causes Erectile Dysfunction

December 9, 2020January 21, 2021 Alexandra Ornes

By Alexandra Ornes WASHINGTON D.C. – On Saturday scientists announced erectile dysfunction could be a long-term side effect of Coronavirus,

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World 

Developmental Psychologists Worried That Young Children Are Starting To Believe Their Grandparents Actually Live Inside Smartphones

December 9, 2020December 6, 2020 Emily Torp

by Emily Torp HOUSTON, TX — World-renowned Developmental Psychologist Jerome Richardson, with the Texas Children’s Hospital, has found that “young

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Politics World 

Terrorist Cell Getting Really Sick of Quarantining Together

November 30, 2020January 21, 2021 Staff

UNDISCLOSED LOCATION –Deep in the mountains of [redacted], a multi-ethnic, queer-platonic group of buddies is stuck in a bunker, and

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World 

“Researchers Find” Makes Headline Sound More Official

November 25, 2020January 21, 2021 Thomas Johnston

By Thomas Johnston

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Recent Posts

  • POTUS Changes Holiday Name To “Trump-MLK Day”
  • Millie Bobby Brown Adopts Fellow Child Actors
  • Business Bro Confused By New MLM Show
  • Petroleo the Oil Wizard Seen Whispering to Trump During Press Conference 
  • USC Dutch Bros Does Not Pass Bechdel Test

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Millenial Woman Holding Out Hope That Trump’s Post Office Interference Delayed Hogwarts Letter

September 2, 2020 Melanie Hoffmann No Comment

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