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Breaking: Dulce Barista Doesn’t Really Like Your Outfit, Just Whoring Himself Out For That Tip

December 7, 2023December 6, 2023 Megan Dang 958 Views

By Megan Dang LOS ANGELES, CA — This just in: the swoony Dulce barista who complimented your outfit the other

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Forensic Scientists Open Investigation Into Whether Two Mutuals Are Still Dating

December 4, 2023December 3, 2023 Bill Rockas 871 Views

By Bill Rockas BOULDER, CO – Forensic scientists are conducting various tests across multiple social media platforms to understand whether

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Inside Out 2 Reveals Newest Emotion: Slow-Creeping Existential Dread

November 29, 2023November 26, 2023 Megan Dang 1046 Views

by Megan Dang LOS ANGELES, CA — Pixar has just announced the newest addition to Inside Out 2’s zany cast

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Trojan Knights Chest Paint Accidentally Spells Out The Name of The Forbidden One, Summoning His Wretchedness from the Depths

November 15, 2023November 13, 2023 Finn Rollings 908 Views

By Finn Rollings LOS ANGELES, CA – In a scramble of epic proportions, The Trojan Knights, the official hosts of

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From the Archives: Top 10 Commandments

September 18, 2023October 23, 2024 Julian Avrith 1022 Views

From the Archives: Top 10 Commandments By Julian Avrith MOUNT SINAI, EGYPT– As the newly enlightened people of Israel and

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News Outlets Admit “We Can’t Keep Up With These Trump Indictments Either”

August 10, 2023August 10, 2023 Bill Rockas 1069 Views

By Bill Rockas WASHINGTON, DC – In response to former President Donald Trump’s fourth indictment, all major news outlets announced

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Mitch McConnell Hit By Brain Freeze After Secret Ice Cream Date With President Biden

August 10, 2023August 10, 2023 Joshua Wolk 705 Views

WASHINGTON — Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell suddenly stopped speaking during a Republican news conference on Wednesday on account of

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Talk About a Real Family Man! This Emmy Nominated TV Writer Just Moved Back in With His Parents

July 13, 2023August 10, 2023 Levi Elias 1057 Views

LOS ANGELES, CA — Shortly after being nominated for an Emmy in Outstanding Writing For a Comedy Series, this family

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Historians Reveal Oppenheimer’s “No Regrets” Tattoo

July 10, 2023August 10, 2023 Bill Rockas 821 Views

By Bill Rockas PRINCETON, NJ – After a decades-long debate, historians have finally revealed the longstanding secret that J. Robert

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“See, New York Is Just Fucking Better than LA,” Coughs USC New Yorker Through Cloud of Smoke

June 7, 2023June 7, 2023 Sarah Cortina 1077 Views

By Sarah Cortina  NEW YORK, NY — The long standing bicoastal argument over which city reigns supreme falls to the

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Recent Posts

  • Sperm Racing Rematch to Take Place in My Bedroom
  • Move Over “Severance”! Apple TV Premieres New Hit Show “Get Out with White People”
  • Spending Cuts Force LA Times “Festival of Books” to Rebrand as “Festival of Book”
  • Trump Actually Anti-Capitalist King
  • USC Names Bully Who Stole Your Lunch Money as New Head of Student Dining

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OPINION: Why We Shouldn’t Have Published Mr. Met’s Op-Ed “Let Me Hit Children With a Baseball Bat”

OPINION: Why We Shouldn’t Have Published Mr. Met’s Op-Ed “Let Me Hit Children With a Baseball Bat”

June 25, 2020 Drew Thomas-Nathan No Comment

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