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College USC 

DPS Attempts to Prove Self-Worth Through New Incident Resolution Emails

October 11, 2014June 19, 2020 Kim Rogers

by Kim Rogers UNIVERSITY PARK– This past week, students at the University of Southern California reported receiving emails denoting the

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College USC 

USC Board of Trustees Adds Token Non-Billionaire

October 10, 2014January 23, 2021 Staff

by Staff USC has a long history of press releases and admissions website testimonials about diversity.  But today, the university

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College USC 

President Nikias Legally Changes Name to “Baron Von Doomsday”

October 10, 2014January 23, 2021 Staff

by Joseph Grazier UNIVERSITY PARK–After a series of “totally midlife crisis unrelated” events, as well as an accidental bath in

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College USC 

USC to Discontinue Unprofitable Viterbi Division

October 9, 2014June 19, 2020 Staff

by Tyler Pullen USC–As a private university, USC’s primary source of funding is from donations from unusually wealthy alumni. Realizing

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College USC 

USC Provost Vows to Reduce Number of Reported Sexual Assaults

October 1, 2014January 23, 2021 Staff

by Staff BOVARD AUDITORIUM–Last year, the Department of Justice named USC among 55 American universities that underreported or mishandled cases

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College USC 

USC Auctions Naming Rights for Toilets

September 30, 2014June 19, 2020 Staff

by Noah Suarez-Sikes LOS ANGELES, CALIF.– Following a brief but mysterious press release from the university, President Nikias has announced

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College USC 

Student Scores Whopping 3% Discount at USC Ticket Office

September 29, 2014June 19, 2020 Rob Smat

by Rob Smat Breaking: JACKPOT AT THE USC STUDENT UNION After a disappointing day of carefully avoiding road construction, campus

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College USC 

USC to Install Fountain to Commemorate Great Drought of 2014

September 28, 2014June 19, 2020 Staff

by Tyler Pullen The most recent fixture in USC’s inspiring and entirely necessary construction plans is an elegant fountain surrounding

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College USC 

Fertilizer Truck Crashes into TKE

September 24, 2014January 23, 2021 Staff

by Sabrina Yam and Sondhayni Murmu GREEK ROW–Wednesday evening, a truck full of organic fertilizer crashed into TKE West. It

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College USC 

Feline Celebrity EVKitty Pledges TKE

September 22, 2014June 19, 2020 Staff

by Staff THE ROW – Looking for a unique Greek-life experience, USC icon EVKitty rushed TKE this fall, after being

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Recent Posts

  • POTUS Changes Holiday Name To “Trump-MLK Day”
  • Millie Bobby Brown Adopts Fellow Child Actors
  • Business Bro Confused By New MLM Show
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  • USC Dutch Bros Does Not Pass Bechdel Test

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OPINION: USC Campus Security Asking More Questions Than Ever About My Bloody Garbage Bag Collection

OPINION: USC Campus Security Asking More Questions Than Ever About My Bloody Garbage Bag Collection

September 30, 2024 Phineas Kelly No Comment

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