Democrats Crown Marjorie Taylor Greene As New Miss Donald Trump
By Alexandra Ornes WASHINGTON D.C. – After a month-long deliberation period and multiple grueling evening wear segments, Democrats have finally
Read more
Author: Alexandra Ornes
Quiz: How Alone Will You Be On Valentine’s Day On A Scale from ‘Very Alone’ to ‘I’m Willing to Take a Quiz About This’
By Alexandra Ornes With Valentine’s Day around the corner, the question on everyone’s mind is: how alone will I be
Read more
Local Girl Catches Covid So She Can Blame Quarantine For Being Lonely On Valentine’s Day
By Alexandra Ornes LOS ANGELES, CA – USC student Sarah Miller was elated to find out she had contracted COVID-19
Read more
Business Major Shocked To Hear Dream Job Of Exploiting People Not As Secure As Daddy Said It Was
By Alexandra Ornes LOS ANGELES, CA – Business Major Chad Worthington Jr. woke up on Wednesday and checked the stock
Read more
Mother Decides to Abort 288-Month-Old Child Who Lives In Basement
By Alexandra Ornes SPRINGFIELD, IL – Margie Walker has reportedly decided to abort her 288-month-old child who currently lives in
Read more
In Sick Prank, USC Students Exposes UCLA Student to COVID… Guys, I Meant Sick As In Bad. What’re You- No! Stop High-Fiving Matt!
By Alexandra Ornes LOS ANGELES, CA – In a sick prank, a group of USC students exposed 25 UCLA students
Read more
New Euphoria Episode Just Zendaya Telling You She’s Proud of You for an Hour Straight
By Alexandra Ornes LOS ANGELES, CA – Euphoria fans were delighted to watch the newest episode of the HBO show,
Read more
Ranking Pixar Movies By How Sexually Attracted I Am To The Main Character
By Alexandra Ornes With the recent release of Soul, Pixar’s 20th animated feature film, the Sack has decided to rank
Read more
Local Teen Can’t Wait To Get Into Christmas Spirit By Decorating Room, Being Hit With The Realization Another Year Of Her Life Has Flown By With Nothing To Show For It
By Alexandra Ornes SAN JOSE, CA – Local Teen Lila Mueller can’t wait to decorate her room with cute Christmas
Read more
Op-Ed: Biden Won… So Why Am I Still Depressed?
By Alexandra Ornes SAN FRANCISCO, CA – With Biden’s official win of the electoral college it is guaranteed he will
Read more