Toddler Gives Impassioned Yet Unintelligible Speech on Space and/or Dinosaurs
By Rachel Michelman
TONY’S TOT DAYCARE, NC — Local toddler Alex Morgan impressed both his peers and daycare workers when he passionately spoke on the subject of space, dinosaurs, or some incomprehensible mix of the two.
Morgan posited that the “big boom booms that were like pretty cool and had fun light things and huge roars,” but added that, “The colors were just like woah and it was really scary how big it was. But it was fun and I want to go again.”
Apparently Morgan’s speech began after overworked and overwhelmed daycare worker Callie Owens asked the children what they did during the weekend. “All I expected was these kids to talk about learning to bike or going to the pool but instead Alex freaking mentioned this book he read or a museum he went to,” said Owens. “Suddenly, the child is monologuing about the Big Bang? Or maybe it was a Tyrannosaurus Rex tearing another dinosaur limb from limb with its unhinged jaw. Not really sure.”
“Something must have really got him going,” said Martha Morgan, Alex’s mother and President of the Daycare’s Snack Committee. “He continued on from the moment I put him into his car seat about scales? But I couldn’t determine if he was talking about a dinosaur’s skin or the hydrostatic equilibrium of the solar interior. Guess Jonah and I should be watching what he watches on the Discovery Channel.”
Later on in Morgan’s three minute tirade, he argued that, “…And then they did the thing and it was like a dream and there were spiky gases.” He continued on a while longer until Matthew R. did what happens at least once a month in every daycare and vomited, interrupting Morgan’s thoughts on the “big fiery ball doom” and making circle time end early.
Security footage from the daycare was immediately sent to the United Kingdom’s University of Oxford to be compared to the Rosetta Stone and British children with really thick accents in hopes of translating Alex Morgan’s dialogue.