Mother Decides to Abort 288-Month-Old Child Who Lives In Basement

By Alexandra Ornes

SPRINGFIELD, IL – Margie Walker has reportedly decided to abort her 288-month-old child who currently lives in her basement, Chad.

“It just feels like the right choice for my career right now,” said Walker, the 63-year-old mother of Chad. “I just can’t take care of him at this point. He moved back in after college and there’s no sign of him leaving any time soon. I have things I need to work on, things I’m looking forward to… like retirement.” 

Conservatives are protesting against aborting Chad, with protest organizer Marge Cassingham stating, “This is the world liberals want. Abortions almost 24 years after delivery. It’s sickening and someone must take a stand.” Organizers of the protest brought Chad to speak out against his abortion as a key speaker.

When asked how angry his abortion made him, Chad calmly responded, “Honestly I’m down. Like with the amount of student debt I have and the complete lack of jobs, it’s probably a best-case scenario for me at this point.” 

The statements dumbfounded the protest organizers who asked for clarification, to which he responded, “… Wait isn’t this The Women’s March? I thought the protest was advertised as protecting society’s most vulnerable.” When the protesters explained they meant Chad was the most vulnerable member of society he said, “Ok well even if I’m the most vulnerable then I’mma vulnerably get myself aborted.” Then he discreetly left the protest. 

Walker stated to CNN later that day, “I mean, I want what’s best for my mom. And if that’s me not being there that’s fine, just as long as I don’t have to become an independent adult it’s all chillin’.”

“this is the news” by matthewvenn is licensed under CC BY-SA 2.0