Sports
Bleary-Eyed Weekenders “Totally Stoked” to Learn of USC Victory
by Jack Koppa Arriving home in droves last night and this morning, USC students returning from “The Weekender” in Berkeley were
Read moreSarkisian, “You’re Terminated”
by Staff SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA–After two full days of suspension, Steve Sarkisian failed to gain another win for USC football, and
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Only Student to Show Up to Thursday Night Class on Game Day
by Jack Hackett and Thomas Marshall A LONELY CLASSROOM–Colton Stock, a sophomore, made the unfortunate decision to schedule a thursday
Read moreBanned From Drinking in the Locker Room, Sarkisian Plans on Drinking on the Sidelines
by Benji Stoll LOS ANGELES, CA — Following Head Coach Steve Sarkisian’s embarrassing drunken episode at the Salute to Troy
Read moreVandals Bus Breaks Down On Compton Streets After University Uses Potatoes As Fuel
by Morgan Greenwald MOSCOW, ID — En route to face off against the USC Trojans at the LA Memorial Coliseum,
Read moreBall So Hard? An Interview with Tom Brady
by Grace Carballo In a press conference earlier this afternoon, New England Patriots’ quarterback, Tom Brady, addressed the intense societal
Read moreStudent Surprised To Find Earth Still Spinning Following UCLA Loss
by Andy Gause Trent Molina, a mixology Senior, woke up flabbergasted to find the world had not come to a
Read moreUSC Football Still a Thing
by Rob Smat and Tyler Pullen LOS ANGELES MEMORIAL COLISEUM — “USC Football is totally still a thing,” shouted Pat
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USC Introduces New Half-Price Half-Time Football Tickets
by Grace Carballo USC–In an effort to increase student-section sales, the USC ticket office has introduced an enticing new deal:
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