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Sports USC 

Colorblind MSU Fan Can’t Tell Who To Root For

September 20, 2025January 9, 2026 Sarah Ruiz

By Sarah Ruiz LOS ANGELES, CA –  Die hard Michigan State fan Fred Greenfield, who suffers from red-green colorblindness, realized

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College Local USC 

E-Scooter Snuck Into Doheny and Leavey

September 7, 2025September 7, 2025 Violet Rose Wang

By Violet Rose Wang LOS ANGELES, CA – Hundreds of students lives’ were threatened today when two psycho fucks brought

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Attention Vortex College Sports Uncategorized USC 

All Football Hopefuls Must Tryout With an Eight Bar Cut of “Single Ladies”

August 24, 2025August 26, 2025 Charlotte Phillipp

By Charlotte Deckle LOS ANGELES, CA — With football walk-on tryouts just around the corner, legions of wannabe Trojan football

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College Uncategorized USC 

Carol Folt Dead

June 30, 2025July 23, 2025 Violet Rose Wang

By Violet Rose Wang LOS ANGELES, CA – Beloved USC President, free speech advocate, and demon Carol Folt has died

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College Local USC 

Graduation Sash Embroidery Malfunction: They All Just Say ‘Cum’

May 16, 2025July 24, 2025 Ella Grossman

By Ella Grossman LOS ANGELES, CA – Graduation season is in full swing, which means campus is swarming with soon-to-be

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USC 

Sperm Racing Rematch to Take Place in My Bedroom

May 3, 2025July 14, 2025 Ella Grossman

By Ella Grossman  LOS ANGELES — This Friday, the world’s first Sperm Race took place at LA Center Studio in

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USC 

Spending Cuts Force LA Times “Festival of Books” to Rebrand as “Festival of Book”

May 3, 2025May 3, 2025 Phineas Kelly

By Phineas Kelly LOS ANGELES — As universities nationwide fear the loss of federal research funding, the University of Southern

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Entertainment USC 

Three Things I Learned From The Smut Panel at the Festival of Books

May 2, 2025August 26, 2025 Pablo Rodriguez

By Pablo Rodriguez LOS ANGELES, CA – Last weekend the LA Times held the world famous Festival of Books at

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USC 

USC Names Bully Who Stole Your Lunch Money as New Head of Student Dining

April 23, 2025May 3, 2025 Margaret Danenhauer

By Margaret Danenhauer  LOS ANGELES — Fight on Trojans! USC has named Joey “The Booger” Santonelli, better known as the

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USC 

Term “DEI” Changes to “Community” to Reinforce USC’s Values as a Community College

March 27, 2025March 29, 2025 Levi Elias

By Levi Elias LOS ANGELES, CA – In an email sent to the USC population by the Office of the

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Recent Posts

  • POTUS Changes Holiday Name To “Trump-MLK Day”
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“Why Can’t They Just Protest Peacefully?” Complains Darth Vader

May 28, 2020 Drew Thomas-Nathan No Comment

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