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Author: Staff

Local 

Local Man Enjoys Sitting In Traffic Just to Feel Like a Part of Something

February 2, 2017February 2, 2017 Staff

[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]by Rick Cisario LOS ANGELES, CA — If you want to find local accountant Todd Frank you’ll probably find him

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College 

Student Living Comfortably On Parent’s Dime Just Can’t Shell Out Cash For Tip

January 30, 2017June 19, 2020 Staff

[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]by Jessica Tang USC — At local eatery El Cholo Mexican Restaurant, student Emma Sanders received the bill for her

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College 

Student Delays Getting Out of Bed in Hopes that Roommate’s Morning Wood Will Go Away First

January 24, 2017June 19, 2020 Staff

[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]by Ryan Zubery NEW NORTH — On Tuesday morning, freshman Dan Carlisle blinked his eyes open to see his roommate

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Politics 

Trump Announces Presidential Pet: Infertile White Tiger Named Maserati

January 20, 2017January 21, 2021 Staff

[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]by Ryan Zubery NEW YORK, NY — In an address given from his gold-plated Manhattan penthouse, best described as a

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College 

Colleges Offer Shirtless Zac Efrons For Stress Relief During Finals

December 8, 2016January 23, 2021 Staff

[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]by Georgina Chiou LOS ANGELES, CA — After rampant concern that puppies were just not enough, universities in the U.S.

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Politics World 

“People Need to Be More Open-Minded,” Asserts Woman Who Unfriended Everyone with Different Views

November 21, 2016June 19, 2020 Staff

[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]by Christine Politte SILVER LAKE, CA — Saddened by the country’s deep ideological divisions, local woman Marilyn Reed made a

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Local 

Element Apartments: “We Just Need Five More Minutes”

November 17, 2016 Staff

[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]by Sara Swearingen HOOVER ST. — Three months past its original finish date, Element Apartments is still not ready. This

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Sports 

Nation’s Small Talk Soon to Return to Conversations About Football

November 16, 2016 Staff

[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]by Nolan Jones AMERICA — The nation’s leading sociologists confirmed Friday that, after a bitter election that dominated America’s casual

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College 

Student Listens to Roommate Masturbating Far Longer Than Acceptable

November 14, 2016June 19, 2020 Staff

[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]by Kitty Guo NEW NORTH — At precisely 12:48 a.m. freshman James Hatchet awoke to the sounds of his roommate

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Strong Feelings 

Well…Fuck.

November 9, 2016 Staff

[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]Fuck. Shit ass tits bitch mother fucker ass butt dick. How did we get to this point–shit Goddamn fuck shit

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Recent Posts

  • POTUS Changes Holiday Name To “Trump-MLK Day”
  • Millie Bobby Brown Adopts Fellow Child Actors
  • Business Bro Confused By New MLM Show
  • Petroleo the Oil Wizard Seen Whispering to Trump During Press Conference 
  • USC Dutch Bros Does Not Pass Bechdel Test

Article Roulette

30 Ways USC Will Spend Your Extra Tuition Dollars

30 Ways USC Will Spend Your Extra Tuition Dollars

March 8, 2023 Staff No Comment

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