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Politics U.S. 

POTUS Changes Holiday Name To “Trump-MLK Day”

January 19, 2026January 19, 2026 Dean Woods

By Dean Woods WASHINGTON, D.C. — Six weeks after removing MLK Day and Juneteenth from the National Parks calendar, Trump

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Politics U.S. 

Petroleo the Oil Wizard Seen Whispering to Trump During Press Conference 

January 3, 2026January 18, 2026 Pablo Rodriguez

By Pablo Rodriguez MAR-A-LAGO, FL – During today’s press conference regarding the invasion of Venezuela and capture of President Maduro

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U.S. 

Twunkmas, Butchcember, and Other Gay Terms Us Heteros Are Stealing this Holiday Season

December 6, 2025January 16, 2026 Margaret Danenhauer

By Margaret Danenhauer PROVO, UT — This is for my matcha Dubai Labubu chocolate boys; this one is for my

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Politics U.S. 

Pardoned Thanksgiving Turkey Actually Leader of Money Laundering Scheme

November 27, 2025January 16, 2026 Charlotte Dekle

By Charlotte Dekle WASHINGTON, DC — In another move of flagrant disregard for the law, President Donald Juniper Trump has

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U.S. Uncategorized 

99 Cents Store Freaking The Fuck Out

November 13, 2025January 16, 2026 Charlotte Dekle

By Charlotte Dekle COMMERCE, CA — A local branch of the 99 Cents Only Store is in dire straits after

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Local Politics U.S. 

New Gerrymander Packs Your Room With Your Sibling’s Room

November 4, 2025January 16, 2026 Alex Wong

By Alex Wong MONTPILIER, VT—After a date night involving multiple bottles of chardonnay, your mother and father jointly announced their

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U.S. 

Kohl’s Cash Now Stronger Than the American Dollar

October 28, 2025January 16, 2026 Gracie Silberman

By Gracie Silberman WASHINGTON, D.C. –  As inflation climbs and the ol’ reliable dollar loses its value faster than USC

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Local Politics U.S. 

NYC Mayoral Debate Uses “We’re Not Really Strangers” for Debate Topics

October 23, 2025January 16, 2026 Gabby Frugoni

By Gabby Frugoni NEW YORK CITY, NY – After last night’s New York City mayoral debate featured multiple trivial, personality-based

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U.S. 

Top AI Researchers Under Fire for Using AI in Their Research

October 22, 2025January 16, 2026 Elias-Michael Geller

By Elias-Michael Geller CAMBRIDGE, MA – Earlier this week, the MIT Academic Review Board announced the indefinite suspension of several

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College Politics U.S. USC 

Beong Soo Kim Displays Symptoms Of Having A Spine

October 16, 2025January 16, 2026 Staff

By Noelle Villasenor and Quinn Healey LOS ANGELES, CA – Ferrel Kolt, M.D.,  Beong Soo Kim’s primary care physician, just

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Recent Posts

  • POTUS Changes Holiday Name To “Trump-MLK Day”
  • Millie Bobby Brown Adopts Fellow Child Actors
  • Business Bro Confused By New MLM Show
  • Petroleo the Oil Wizard Seen Whispering to Trump During Press Conference 
  • USC Dutch Bros Does Not Pass Bechdel Test

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BREAKING: Gate 5 Reopens

BREAKING: Gate 5 Reopens

February 23, 2015 Rob Smat No Comment

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