Man Didn’t Realize He Was Offering Sweatshirt as Collateral in Event of Break-Up
by Joey Rayburn LOS ANGELES, CA – It’s going to be a chilly winter for one local man whose recent Read more
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Frat Bros Begin Hibernation After Storing Enough Juul Pods and Misogyny for Winter
by Joey Rayburn THE ROW – With the beer-stained folding tables tucked away haphazardly and the rent deposit hopefully paid, Read more
Newly Installed Dorm Carpet Doesn’t Know What It’s Getting Into
by Chris Cheshire The spick n’ span new threads in New North Room 1412 have absolutely no idea what’s coming Read more
Friend’s Kid Fat
by Christine Politte LOS ANGELES, CA -- Multiple sources close to the family have confirmed that Thomas Henderson’s son, 10-year-old Read more
Upperclassmen Reminiscing About Café 84 Like it was Fucking Woodstock
by Ryan Zubery USC — On Thursday, freshman Marissa Kwon made a grievous mistake when she mentioned the Café 84 Read more
Son “Positive” His Divorced Dad Getting More Action Than Him
by Seth Woodhouse On Saturday night, college student and notoriously shakey man Tom Davis confirmed his long held suspicions -- Read more
Friendly Reminder Actually Kind of Bitchy
by Amanda Douglas LOS ANGELES, CA – Last week, tenants of Glendale Apartments received an email from their landlord Eli Read more
Progressive Fountains of Wayne Member Liked Stacy’s Mom For Her Personality
by Finn Kobler 2000’s one-hit-wonder band Fountains of Wayne is re-circulating the pop stratosphere after drummer Brian Young spoke about Read more
Daddy Long Legs Likes It When You Call Him That
by Elise Vondra CHICAGO, IL – Local Pholcidae George Williams likes the common name of his species, Daddy Longlegs. He Read more
Student Not Here to Make Friends, Have Fun, Get Sleep, Graduate
by Keith Herrmann Viterbi freshman Sydney Eriksson announced that she did not come to USC to make friends, nor have Read more