Daily Trojan Issues Desperate Plea to FIND AL

by Rob Smat

DAILY TROJAN OFFICE — Thursday’s issue of the Daily Trojan alarmed students campuswide, as the headline featured a desperate message: “FIND AL”.

“We don’t know who Al even is,” reported DPS chief Carlos Jimenez. “We’ve begun to look into this and will offer all the help we can provide. Al seems like a very important person.”

The only photo of Al available was featured on the cover of the issue. He has a striking resemblance of USC’s Tommy Trojan.

“I just feel so bad for him. He must be so lost and scared. Don’t worry Al, we’ll find you. We’ll do everything we can,” stated the graduating Anna Barnett.

We at the Sack would like to express our deep concern over this tragedy and will do everything in our power to spread awareness and ultimately rescue Al from the clutches of whatever villainy may have taken him away from us…Unless finals begin, in which case the University will not allow student orgs to meet or operate in any way, meaning Al may go missing for a bit longer.