- Board of Trustees Approves Raise From Freshman 15 to Freshman 16.4
- Undergraduate Squirrel Government Ends Nutdown, Human Zoo (Also Known As USC) Reopens For Visitation
Breaking News:
- Sperm Racing Rematch to Take Place in My Bedroom
- Move Over “Severance”! Apple TV Premieres New Hit Show “Get Out with White People”
- Spending Cuts Force LA Times “Festival of Books” to Rebrand as “Festival of Book”
- Trump Actually Anti-Capitalist King
- USC Names Bully Who Stole Your Lunch Money as New Head of Student Dining
The Sack of Troy
USC's Second Best Parody Newspaper
